Sage advice from the unemployed boy next door. But I'll take it. And I must have been a little stunned because if I hadn't been I would have announced my in-limbo job status with the glorious title of: You're Fired!
Yes, I will view this as an opportunity. Onward and upward. Bigger and better. All that good crap. Well, I'm cold and tired and I still have to pack for a trip tomorrow, so time to log off and catch some zzzzzzzzzzzz. Later.
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
I Must Be Psychic
Why else would I start putting my resume up on monster.com and start trolling the employment boards at well-known institutions? Somehow I subconsciously knew that I wasn't long for here. My boss just had a difficult conversation with me. There is this ridiculous (but in some ways fortunate) employment system here. Call it tenure for professional/administrative staff.
I'm not getting it.
Once you've been employed in this place for five years you are then eligible for "permanency." Basically that means that unless you are grossly incompetent, they can't fire your ass. So it's a big deal when it comes time to make the decision - will we or won't we offer this person permanency? The stakes and expectations are higher these days, and it doesn't look like - correction, I am not - going to make the cut.
I was hired to do one job and I did it so well that they 'promoted' me into my current position where I've been for the past year. I'm at the point where I'm making enough money that they feel they have to justify my existence with results. Unlike my boss and my boss's boss who have permanency and who therefore cannot be fired, I am to be held accountable.
The fortunate part about this fucked up employment system is that according to the union contract (see, the union is good for something) they have to give me a full year's notice that they are not going to renew my contract. And because they like me, they really do like me, they are giving me until June 30, 2005.
So I'm not officially fired, but come next June I won't be working here any more.
Wow. Deep breath. My heart is pounding. I'm trying to keep working here, but my mind is going a million miles a minute. I don't know what's worse - being given 15 months or 15 days. Because this really is hard. I mean, if I know that my contract won't be renewed, then I might as well leave sooner rather than later. It forces me to really start thinking. If I'd just been given two weeks notice, then that's it. Two weeks, I'm unemployed and go from there. With this much notice, I have time to think, choices to make. Sometimes it's hard having choices because then you are paralyzed. "Should I take this job? What if something better comes along?"
Another deep breath. I'm handling this really well. Guess it was a good thing I saw my HR buddy in the parking lot on the way back from lunch. He gave me a heads up so I wasn't surprised when less than an hour later my boss said "We need to talk." I had a stiff upper lip going in and I did not cry. Much. One tear escaped. And I couldn't speak other than to say "This isn't a conversation I can have right now." My boss had the weekend to think things over (apparently this conversation began last week) and I plan on taking the weekend to thing things through myself.
What am I going to tell my friends and my family? Am I going to tell them anything at all? I'll tell a few of my closest friends, but I'm not going to tell my family anything just yet. I don't want them to worry. In fact, I may not ever tell them. I'll just go out and find the job of my dreams and then share the good news with them.
But it's unsettling, nonetheless. And now I'm just rambling.
I'm not getting it.
Once you've been employed in this place for five years you are then eligible for "permanency." Basically that means that unless you are grossly incompetent, they can't fire your ass. So it's a big deal when it comes time to make the decision - will we or won't we offer this person permanency? The stakes and expectations are higher these days, and it doesn't look like - correction, I am not - going to make the cut.
I was hired to do one job and I did it so well that they 'promoted' me into my current position where I've been for the past year. I'm at the point where I'm making enough money that they feel they have to justify my existence with results. Unlike my boss and my boss's boss who have permanency and who therefore cannot be fired, I am to be held accountable.
The fortunate part about this fucked up employment system is that according to the union contract (see, the union is good for something) they have to give me a full year's notice that they are not going to renew my contract. And because they like me, they really do like me, they are giving me until June 30, 2005.
So I'm not officially fired, but come next June I won't be working here any more.
Wow. Deep breath. My heart is pounding. I'm trying to keep working here, but my mind is going a million miles a minute. I don't know what's worse - being given 15 months or 15 days. Because this really is hard. I mean, if I know that my contract won't be renewed, then I might as well leave sooner rather than later. It forces me to really start thinking. If I'd just been given two weeks notice, then that's it. Two weeks, I'm unemployed and go from there. With this much notice, I have time to think, choices to make. Sometimes it's hard having choices because then you are paralyzed. "Should I take this job? What if something better comes along?"
Another deep breath. I'm handling this really well. Guess it was a good thing I saw my HR buddy in the parking lot on the way back from lunch. He gave me a heads up so I wasn't surprised when less than an hour later my boss said "We need to talk." I had a stiff upper lip going in and I did not cry. Much. One tear escaped. And I couldn't speak other than to say "This isn't a conversation I can have right now." My boss had the weekend to think things over (apparently this conversation began last week) and I plan on taking the weekend to thing things through myself.
What am I going to tell my friends and my family? Am I going to tell them anything at all? I'll tell a few of my closest friends, but I'm not going to tell my family anything just yet. I don't want them to worry. In fact, I may not ever tell them. I'll just go out and find the job of my dreams and then share the good news with them.
But it's unsettling, nonetheless. And now I'm just rambling.
Missing Phil
It's lunchtime, and I'm missing Phil. Granted, we had a little "tiff" last week so I'm not altogether surprised. Plus we both have jobs and busy lives - I should never expect or take for granted that I'm always in the forefront of his mind when the noon hour rolls around. And I know I could call him, but I'm not going to.
I'm sure it doesn't seem that way with all the posts I've planted today, but I'm actually getting a lot done. Drafting comments/remarks for someone else. Writing. Using my brain. The jumping back and forth has actually helped me clarify and focus - when I hit a block, I blog. And then I go back and write some more. Same thing. Just different.
Now, what to do for lunch.....
I'm sure it doesn't seem that way with all the posts I've planted today, but I'm actually getting a lot done. Drafting comments/remarks for someone else. Writing. Using my brain. The jumping back and forth has actually helped me clarify and focus - when I hit a block, I blog. And then I go back and write some more. Same thing. Just different.
Now, what to do for lunch.....
Now I've Heard It All
A nearby community college is going to be using methane from the local landfill to generate power for the campus. They hope to completely take themselves off the power grid and just use the gas generated by the landfill for all their energy needs. If it works, that is the ultimate. Glad to hear that landfills can actually be useful.
What Not To Wear
Spotted on one of the 'executive' secretaries this morning (what I wouldn't give for a photo):
Bright blue floral spring print dress; rather tight thru the bust
White stockings and strappy white closed toed sandles
That's so wrong!
Bright blue floral spring print dress; rather tight thru the bust
White stockings and strappy white closed toed sandles
That's so wrong!
Target = New
Yeah, I need that. Was automatic with BlogRolling but since I'm cheap and don't pay for anything if I don't have to, I can only use that service in one of my categories and it makes sense to use it in the one that changes the most. Will need to tweak my code ...
On another note, my humidifier died. Not quite as tragic as the death of Deb's disposal, but sad nonetheless. Wish it had happened a few weeks ago when units were still on store shelves. I might find one deeply discounted somewhere, but if not then I'll have to wait until fall to get a replacement.
On another note, my humidifier died. Not quite as tragic as the death of Deb's disposal, but sad nonetheless. Wish it had happened a few weeks ago when units were still on store shelves. I might find one deeply discounted somewhere, but if not then I'll have to wait until fall to get a replacement.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
What Happened To My Link?
I hesitated to do it, but I categorized my links. There are those that I read daily, some that I check occasionally, and others that, for lack of a better phrase, I'm just trying on for size. Maybe I'll like them; maybe I won't. I still think it's fascinating to see who chooses to link to what. And just because I like your blog doesn't necessarily mean I like the blogs you like. But there are no rules and just because someone links to you doesn't mean that you are required to link to them.
It's my blog and I'll link to yours if I want to...or if you pay me to do it. Belle de Jour isn't the only one who can be yours for a price.
It's my blog and I'll link to yours if I want to...or if you pay me to do it. Belle de Jour isn't the only one who can be yours for a price.
God? My Brilliance Is Now Becoming A Bit Of A Burden
And I don't even watch "Scrubs" - it's just noise in the background while I blog. But I do dig the theme music.
Spinning Endlessly On The Hamster Wheel of Dating
Love it when I snag a pithy quote from television. What are the writers at "Frasier" going to do when the odyssey ends?
Sudden Insight
I know what's missing. Interaction. Brain-storming. Teamwork. There's none of that here. We are a division of about 10 people and we don't friggin' talk to each other. I just had a 10 minute conversation with a colleague, and suddenly little neutrons were firing in my brain. We were cooking - sharing an idea, commiserating, connecting. That happens so rarely around here.
I know part of it is my fault - I tend to sit here at my desk, facing out but behind the computer screen. I don't venture out there very often. Maybe because there have been times when my ideas were shot down or because I got the subtle but strong vibe that said "that's not the way things are done here." But spend a few minutes with me, charge me up and the ideas will roll. Doesn't matter if you don't like them or not - I'm not so cocky that I think I am the end all and be all, but at least have an open mind. Be willing to take a risk - let me run with something (scissors? couldn't resist that) and see how far I can go.
Besides monster.com (from which I have absolutely no expectations - all I'm getting is come-ons from sales reps for organizations which are not named) my resume is now posted on the web site of two major universities and the national organization which oversees my profession. I fully intend on going to the local career fair in mid-April and I will send my resume to two local women who are highly placed within their local companies.
I don't even know if I want to change jobs, but to borrow the title of a pretty good movie, something's gotta give.
I know part of it is my fault - I tend to sit here at my desk, facing out but behind the computer screen. I don't venture out there very often. Maybe because there have been times when my ideas were shot down or because I got the subtle but strong vibe that said "that's not the way things are done here." But spend a few minutes with me, charge me up and the ideas will roll. Doesn't matter if you don't like them or not - I'm not so cocky that I think I am the end all and be all, but at least have an open mind. Be willing to take a risk - let me run with something (scissors? couldn't resist that) and see how far I can go.
Besides monster.com (from which I have absolutely no expectations - all I'm getting is come-ons from sales reps for organizations which are not named) my resume is now posted on the web site of two major universities and the national organization which oversees my profession. I fully intend on going to the local career fair in mid-April and I will send my resume to two local women who are highly placed within their local companies.
I don't even know if I want to change jobs, but to borrow the title of a pretty good movie, something's gotta give.
Monday, March 29, 2004
I Do Hereby Resolve ...
... to take a day off and go to an upcoming career fair. I did it once before and even though it didn't lead to anything, within six months I changed jobs within the same company and was much happier. Just thinking it through and taking a positive step will help. And the boy next door was talking to a friend of his who is the manager of HR for east coast operations of a large chain restaurant and she'd be willing to help me clarify my goals. Yeah, I'm going to take the day off and just do it.
On another note, Jessica Simpson did a cover of "Take My Breath Away" and it's just god-awful. Sounds like something you'd hear on American Idol. Bad. Tacky. In poor taste. Yuck. Then again, why am I surprised?
On another note, Jessica Simpson did a cover of "Take My Breath Away" and it's just god-awful. Sounds like something you'd hear on American Idol. Bad. Tacky. In poor taste. Yuck. Then again, why am I surprised?
Self-Discipline
I'm trying to regulate/modulate myself, and despite the fact that this post will belie that notion, I'm doing pretty well. I've actually checked three things off my "to-do" list today and I'm reasonably confident that I'll get to everything before the day is done. I might even add a few more things. I really should have been a factory worker. I'm so task oriented - give me something to do and a time frame to do it in and I'm happy as a pig in shit. Give me nebulous goals and no specific deadlines, and I'll still be working on it in the next millenium.
Yes, I'm doing pretty well today if I do say so myself - haven't hacked the Ex's email and haven't even had to fight the urge. I got better ways to waste my time! Okay, self-congratulatory break time over. I hereby pledge not to post until after 4:00. After all, I gotta wean myself gradually. Going cold turkey would just be - what's the word for inflicting self-torture? That's what it would be.
Yes, I'm doing pretty well today if I do say so myself - haven't hacked the Ex's email and haven't even had to fight the urge. I got better ways to waste my time! Okay, self-congratulatory break time over. I hereby pledge not to post until after 4:00. After all, I gotta wean myself gradually. Going cold turkey would just be - what's the word for inflicting self-torture? That's what it would be.
Sunday, March 28, 2004
"You Are Fired You Minute Hoarding Clock Watcher"
For those of you who missed the first post, here's a link.
Still feeling a bit out of sorts and unsettled, but dealing with it quite nicely. I decided to do away with the bad habit of hacking the Ex's email. I wasn't finding much of interest and it's just not healthy. So what if he hasn't bothered to read the e-card I sent? So what if he's gone on with his life? (Or has he? From what I can tell, he's just repeating the life he led with me. First the trip to DisneyWorld, the getaway weekend to Montreal, and now a trip to see the aunt and uncle in Maryland ... he's just repeating the life we had. Ew.) What matters is what I do with mine.
So yesterday after the dreaded bridal shower I went to the gym and worked up a sweat. Same thing this morning. Followed that with an hour and a half of yard work - trimming shrubs and raking some leaves. Dropped the size 8 formal gowns at the consignment shop. Did a load of laundry. Got about a third of the way through that six inch stack of paperwork that needs to be filed (mostly in the circular file). Posted my resume on monster.com. Not sure what I'm going to do with it, but who knows what might come my way.
I think it's time for me to find that 'second career.' The thing that I LOVE and that is fulfilling even if the paycheck isn't as good. I'm single and unattached - if there was ever a time for me to take a risk, it's now. Will keep you posted.
Still feeling a bit out of sorts and unsettled, but dealing with it quite nicely. I decided to do away with the bad habit of hacking the Ex's email. I wasn't finding much of interest and it's just not healthy. So what if he hasn't bothered to read the e-card I sent? So what if he's gone on with his life? (Or has he? From what I can tell, he's just repeating the life he led with me. First the trip to DisneyWorld, the getaway weekend to Montreal, and now a trip to see the aunt and uncle in Maryland ... he's just repeating the life we had. Ew.) What matters is what I do with mine.
So yesterday after the dreaded bridal shower I went to the gym and worked up a sweat. Same thing this morning. Followed that with an hour and a half of yard work - trimming shrubs and raking some leaves. Dropped the size 8 formal gowns at the consignment shop. Did a load of laundry. Got about a third of the way through that six inch stack of paperwork that needs to be filed (mostly in the circular file). Posted my resume on monster.com. Not sure what I'm going to do with it, but who knows what might come my way.
I think it's time for me to find that 'second career.' The thing that I LOVE and that is fulfilling even if the paycheck isn't as good. I'm single and unattached - if there was ever a time for me to take a risk, it's now. Will keep you posted.
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Random
Went to the gym last night; was going to go this morning but it's cloudy and grey and I just didn't feel like it. Maybe after the dreaded bridal shower this afternoon.
Just downloaded Firefox - if both Frilly Panties and matt.fotter like it, I'll give it a shot. Next up? Maybe switching over to TypePad.
If I didn't know better, I'd think I had PMS all last week. Was pretty crabby and moody and tempermental.
I might be spending too much time online.
Got a work issued cell phone yesterday. Got my first wrong number/hang up before I could even activate the damn service. It has the most annoying (and loud!) ring tones. Best part about it is the wicked cool tip calculator.
The phone rang this morning, but of course it wasn't for me.
Funny - I politely asked for no comments on one post, and suddenly, no comments whatsoever! Part of me is sad (looking for props/reassurance even when I know I'm being bad) and part of me feels just a wee bit more free - I can say what I want without worrying that I'll offend someone. And really, the whole point should be moot anyway - uh, I'm using a pseudonym and this is supposedly anonymous. But how anonymous can you be, really? What about that whole six degrees thing? Supposedly I'm only two three degrees away - I know Phil, Phil when to high school with Billy Baldwin, Billy Baldwin was in a movie with Kevin Bacon.
I just hid my match.com profile. As part of Thursday's pep talk, Phil told me I was in a rut and I just needed to find someone. I laughed and told him I'd already been on match.com for two years and he started outlining what he thought I should be saying in my profile. Don't really want him to see/find it, so it's gone for now.
No worries re: Mike - I sent him a message telling him to ignore the earlier message and he said "forggetaboudit."
Just downloaded Firefox - if both Frilly Panties and matt.fotter like it, I'll give it a shot. Next up? Maybe switching over to TypePad.
If I didn't know better, I'd think I had PMS all last week. Was pretty crabby and moody and tempermental.
I might be spending too much time online.
Got a work issued cell phone yesterday. Got my first wrong number/hang up before I could even activate the damn service. It has the most annoying (and loud!) ring tones. Best part about it is the wicked cool tip calculator.
The phone rang this morning, but of course it wasn't for me.
Funny - I politely asked for no comments on one post, and suddenly, no comments whatsoever! Part of me is sad (looking for props/reassurance even when I know I'm being bad) and part of me feels just a wee bit more free - I can say what I want without worrying that I'll offend someone. And really, the whole point should be moot anyway - uh, I'm using a pseudonym and this is supposedly anonymous. But how anonymous can you be, really? What about that whole six degrees thing? Supposedly I'm only two three degrees away - I know Phil, Phil when to high school with Billy Baldwin, Billy Baldwin was in a movie with Kevin Bacon.
I just hid my match.com profile. As part of Thursday's pep talk, Phil told me I was in a rut and I just needed to find someone. I laughed and told him I'd already been on match.com for two years and he started outlining what he thought I should be saying in my profile. Don't really want him to see/find it, so it's gone for now.
No worries re: Mike - I sent him a message telling him to ignore the earlier message and he said "forggetaboudit."
Friday, March 26, 2004
Two More Hours
Ugh. I've got two more hours here at work. Imagine what I could accomplish if I actually buckled down and did some work.
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