Sunday, February 04, 2007

730 Days Ago Today

So, I'm cleaning out my mailbox and I come across a folder containing only eight messages. No need to save that, I say, but first, let me read the message. Lo and behold, I uncover a classic written exactly 730 days ago today. This is the kind of stuff I used to write!

(A bit of background: the women's group I belong to was bringing Dr. Ruth to town for a seminar/lecture/presentation, thus the impetus to write a letter to Dr. Ruth):

Dear Dr. Ruth:

Last weekend I went out for a few drinks with a girlfriend, and by the end of the night I'd had three glasses of wine, two White Russians, and innumerable shots of Captain Morgan. I brought home a man who I barely know and we ended up in bed. He was a perfect gentleman and nothing happened. Obviously I was inebriated, and now I'm a little embarrassed to show my face around town. What should I do?

Silly Girl


Dear Silly Girl:

I'm glad you asked. As luck would have it, I will be in your town on Saturday February 5. You must come see me - I want to hear all about it. How large was his penis? I want to know!

Anxiously Awaiting the Details,

Dr. Ruth


Dear Dr. Ruth:

Well, even if he had removed his long johns and shown me his penis, I doubt I would tell you about it. Some things should be kept private, don't you think? In any event, I feel somewhat awkward around this man now. I was drunk (which I didn't even realize until the hangover hit me the next morning) and I'm not sure if I said something or sent signals that I might not have sent if I was sober. I mean, we were in bed together. We kissed. I snored. He felt my breasts. What must he think of me?

Silly Girl

Dear Silly Girl:

What are you so worried about? It's the 90s - oh, wait - I'm 90. Anyway, here's what I suggest. Next time you see him, make sure that you are sober. Sit down over a cup of coffee and just talk about life in general ... you know, the weather and stuff like that. It's okay to take a step back and start over and do things the right way. Get to know each other a little bit better. Become friends. Then decide whether or not you want to see his package. I would imagine he's feeling a bit awkward as well, so he'll probably appreciate your being direct and honest. Good luck - and when and if the time is right, good sex!

Dr. Ruth


Ah, the good old days!

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