Friday, December 31, 2004

Life Gets In The Way

My posts have really been spotty of late. Life has gotten in the way.

I'm realizing how totally apt my tag line is: On Company Time. I'm not working this week, and it shows in my lack of posts. I've been keeping very busy and despite a small glitch yesterday, have been to the gym every day as planned.

What I didn't plan on was having lunch with Larry on Tuesday ... and then receiving a follow-up invitation for dinner on Wednesday. Followed by a previously scheduled engagement with Michael tonight. This juggling I'm doing? Not very well.

I think Larry is totally cool with everything - he's just having a good time. In fact, he mentioned last night that one of the things he really likes about me is that I'm not too demanding. He has a full life, I have a full life. We try to make time for each other when we can. I think we are both totally comfortable with the relationship as it has developed.

Wish I could say the same thing for Michael. I had such a great time with him last Thursday, but he left on a slightly sour note after I was perhaps a little too blunt and direct with him about my relationship with John. But we got past it ... exchanged a few really heartfelt messages over the weekend, and agreed to get together again tonight. We were both looking forward to it. He finished work early and came over around 2:00 ... he left around 11:00. Yeah - nine hours with the guy.

And just like last week it was going great right up until the end. I can't remember how it happened - probably I mentioned that I had a headache and I commented that I didn't know if it was a migraine (which I frequently get) or a hangover.

"Why would you have a hangover?"

"I had dinner with a friend and we had a couple of drinks."

He kept coming back to it. What did I have for dinner last night? And finally - "Who did you have dinner with last night?" What was I going to do? Lie? I told him I had dinner with my friend Larry and suddenly the mood was dead. He admitted that it shouldn't bother him - we've only been on two dates, it's none of his business who I have dinner with.

But I think it bothers him. I feel badly that the evening ended on a sour note, but I'm not going to apologize for being honest! After he left, Phil emerged and I related the story. It was great having someone here to bounce it off immediately. You know what? It's not my problem. Like I said, we've only been on two dates. Not enough to ask for or expect exclusivity. Am I shopping around? Sure. But he knew that. And how am I going to find out whether or not I click with someone unless I go out and spend time with him?

So there it is. And here I am - up past my bedtime again. Apologies to Deb and Brian for not responding to your emails - I had every intention, but life got in the way.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

I Guess That's Why They Call Them Work Boots

Made good on my promise to myself to keep up with the exercise routine and was at the gym this morning. Several interesting individuals there whom I've never commented on before ... like the guy who wears jeans and work boots. Granted, he's just lifting weights, it's not like he's running on the treadmill or even riding the exercise bicycle, but still - jeans and work boots? Don't you own sneakers and sweats?

And then there's the Johnny Cash wannabe. He wears black jeans and a black long sleeved t-shirt. Every. Single. Time.

Me? Today I wore my red sports bra and my iPod. John Mayer kept me going through 38 minutes on the elliptical trainer and my reps in the basement. Skipped breakfast and had lunch with Larry. Came back here for dessert. Then off to a local restaurant to plan the next big bash. Tonight I need to prepare for an interview. The week will fly by before I know it.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Christmas Without Stockings

I had a wonderful Christmas with my family except for one thing ... no stockings. I had just finished telling Michael (we had a date on Thursday; more later) that stockings are the best part of Christmas. I told him how no matter what was under the tree, somehow the contents of my stocking were always the best part of Christmas.

Our stockings have been with us for years. I think we got them in 1972 when we were in Florida for Christmas. We'd been through a natural disaster, Hurricane Agnes, earlier that year and we were displaced from our home and living in temporary quarters. Mom and Dad decided to take the family on vacation and we drove to Florida and spent some time with some friends that had moved down there. We went to this brand new theme park called Disney World and I was amazed at the rides, especially "It's A Small World" and "The Pirates of the Carribean."

So we had these stockings with our names written in glitter on the white fur. Over the years the contents changed as we grew up, but the stockings were always the best part. In fact, everything I got for my new housemate Phil and his seven year old daughter fit in a stocking. (Gotta love the electronic age when you can put CDs, DVDs and mp3s in a stocking).

So I'm bragging about the stockings, and I come home and there is a small group here on Christmas Eve and suddenly I realize ... no stockings! My parents redid their kitchen this year and there is no longer that crappy paneling with the ledge to which the stockings were always hung. "Where are the stockings?" I asked. My youngest brother looked at me with disdain and said "We haven't had stockings in years - where have you been?"

It's true. My parents don't even have those stockings anymore. But my memories of them are so vivid that I can't remember a time without them.

Somehow I survived the trauma. After all, I got everything I asked for. My brother and his wife came over as did my sister and her significant other and we opened presents here at my parent's house. Then, we went over to my other brother's for dinner and opened gifts with them. Ended the day playing Trivial Pursuit back here at the 'rents.

I've been checking my email every few hours, and no messages ... after my date with Michael, a few issues came up and I've been expecting a response. Turns out he's a bit older than I am, and he's wondering if I have an issue with that. And he's still married - has been separated for seven years, but not legally, and no plans to do so. Maybe that should send up warning flags for me, but you know what? I'm not looking to marry the guy - I just wanted to meet someone who I can spend some time with. He says that's all he's looking for as well, so why can't we just get to know each other a little better and hang out?

And I'm not sure Michael was completely comfortable with my honesty. At one point he even said that I was honest to a fault and maybe I should lie a little to make him feel better. Uh, no. This is who I am - accept it or move on. I told him that, and that is what elicited his age confession, at least in part. I told him that I would be turning 40 next year, and he told me he'll be turning 52. Okay, so he's a bit older than I am. So what? He could pass for early 40s if he wanted to. And from the little bit of time I spent with Larry (who just turned 54), I'm thinking maybe I like older men.

But I've got bigger fish to fry. That job I wanted that's been put on hold? That's fine - but in the meantime, I have another interview with a different company on Wednesday. The job isn't completely defined, but this is the type of company where they often make the job fit the person. They have some needs, but if they find a candidate who can do some but not all of what they are looking for, and the candidate offers something else that they can use, sometimes they just shift job duties to make the job fit the candidate. It works. Imagine that - hiring someone for their strengths and then giving them a job where they can excel and will get satisfaction from their work.

Time for me to get moving - I'm meeting up with some high school classmates for an afternoon of ice skating followed by pizza and beer. I can't skate, but I'll give it a go. Back to the homestead tomorrow and then I'm going to start my New Year's Resolutions early. Maybe by the time the new year hits I'll have developed some new good habits.

Or I'll still be juggling two men and becoming a better liar ...

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Reindeer Games

Rather than emailing this to you individually, I'll put it out here for everyone to enjoy:

Dance, Reindeer - Dance!

And with that I'm off to the official college holiday party - no booze allowed. You can catch me at the corner pub around 3:00.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004


So after waiting impatiently all weekend and all day yesterday to hear something back from Larry and Michael, suddenly I have responses from BOTH of them.

Looks like I'll be getting together with Michael Thursday night, and he warned me that he's a slow learner and a second and a third meeting will probably be required.

Larry asked what I was doing for the holidays and let me know that he won't be working between Christmas and New Years and said "maybe we can plan on something right after Christmas."

So now I've got to juggle two men.


An embarrassment of riches.
When it rains, it pours.
If it's not one thing, it's another.

Insert your own trite statement here.

Monday, December 20, 2004


Yes, this is opportunity knocking ... please hold.




Just to bring you all up to date, the job for which I was being considered, the one I so desperately wanted, is being put on hold. They are re-examining the office and its responsibilities before filling the position. I will still be considered, once they determine what they want the person who fills that position to do.

Could be better. Could be worse. I actually have a fairly upbeat attitude about it - perhaps once they figure out their ass from a hole in the ground (did I say that out loud?) the position will be even bigger and better than it was before - with a paycheck to match.

In the meantime, I'll keep flirting with that 70 year old millionaire in the hopes that he'll make a kept woman out of me yet.

A Slow, Painful Death ...

... was wished upon me by Amanda.
What, you think I got nothing better to do than to respond to this quiz On Company Time?
Oh. Wait. You're right. I don't. Here goes:

Three names you go by:
Kenna; Sweetie; KimmerBeth

Three screennames you have:
KimmerBeth; VesperAlley; Spa Girl

Three things you like about yourself:
My legs; My sensitivity; My phone voice

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:
Being needy; Not finishing what I started; I have very little patience

Three parts of your heritage:
Irish; German; American Mutt

Three things that scare you:
Failure; Dying a slow painful death; Poverty

Three of your everyday essentials:
Email' Lemon Zinger tea at the office in the morning; My caramel calcium chews

Three things you are wearing right now:
Silk longjohns; Snowflake sweater; Gold hoop w/pearl earrings

Three of your favorite bands/artists (at the moment):
Los Lonely Boys; Keane; Joss Stone

Three of your favorite songs at present:
Letter Read (Rachael Yamagata); Love Song For No One (John Mayer); Here Without You (Three Doors Down)

Three things you want to try in the next 12 months:
Fame; Fortune; Forgiveness

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
Fantastic sex; Cuddling/Snuggling; Intelligence/Respect

Two truths and a lie:
I recently participated in a three-way; I was once arrested for unauthorized use of a motor vehicle; I don't believe in love at first sight

Three physical things about the opposite (or same) sex that appeals to you:
Intelligence; Nice eyes/smile; Height

Three things you just can’t do:
Get lost; Needles; Cook without a recipe

Three of your favorite hobbies:
Blogging; Planning parties; Lusting after my unrequited love

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
Eat some of that 2 # bar of chocolate sitting on the desk down the hall; Hear those magical words "You're hired."; Take a nap

Three careers you’re considering:
bioinformatics; librarian; becoming a kept woman

Three places you want to go on vacation:
the Greek Islands; Australia/New Zealand; Paris

Three kids names:
Amber Brandy; Tequila Rose; Elijah Blue Curacao

Three things you want to do before you die:
Have my 15 minutes; Travel around the world; Have an orgasm

Three people who have to take this quiz now or die painful death:
Susan, Michelle, Mary

"Oh, The Weather Outside Is Frightful ...

... and it's a bit nippy here in the office too! Outside temperature is - 1 but with the wind chill factor (WCF) it feels like - 26. Amanda? Jenica? Do you feel my pain?

Friday, December 17, 2004

Finding Me

I don't know why the person who entered this search string chose to scroll through four pages of results and come here when they could have gone right to this result on the first page ...


That was what Phil said when he saw me in my little black dress last night. I don't even think he knew he said it - he just looked up, saw me, and that one little word popped out.

Does a lot for a girl's ego. I went to another mixer and while I did see Larry, he was trying to close a few business deals and so we didn't have a chance to talk. It gave me a chance to chat further with Michael, a man I met at last month's mixer. We ended up exchanging emails and phone numbers, and by the time I got home, Michael had sent me a message saying "it is worth repeating-you looked terrific tonight in that black dress. I would love to hear from you anytime ..."

Every day should be like this - full of compliments and promise.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Round And Round She Goes

T minus one hour and counting ...

I'm about to set off on a round the state tour. First stop, B'ton for overnight and so I can be within driving distance of Ithaca for a breakfast meeting tomorrow. Then back to B'ton for lunch and on to RaChaCha for dinner. Overnight and then back on the Thruway Wednesday morning. Just enough time to stop at the outlets and have lunch with a former co-worker.

No internet tonight, but I will have access at the hotel in RaChaCha Tuesday night. See you then.

Note to Anonymous: I'm free after my business dinner. Catch me if you can. If you dare.

Moose Munch and More - Oh My!

'Tis the season.

If I had more time I'd write a poem to the tune of "Twas the Night Before Christmas." One of our board members shipped a lovely basket of goodies from Harry and David and you should have heard the squeals of delight (mine included). There's Moose Munch, truffles, cherry cordials, mint chocolates, mixed nuts and shortbread cookies. We opened everthing up and sampled it all. And just when we thought we were done, someone went to move the basket and discovered a lower layer of pears.

I love the holidays.

P.S. I got an early Christmas gift from my housemate last night - an iPod of my very own. Talk about squeals of delight!

Saturday, December 11, 2004

I'm All That ...

... and a bag of chips.

[check out my convoluted search of the day]

Friday, December 10, 2004

One Man's Trash ...

... is Kenna's treasure.

The old man across the street must have gotten his Christmas tree and put it up yesterday, because last night he left a garbage can filled with branches out by the curb (the city comes around and picked up yard debris/leaves/branches etc. for recycling). I've wanted a few branches to put in a vase with some floral sprigs, just to have that pine scent wafting through the house, so I snagged several branches and will make my centerpieces this weekend.

I love a bargain - even if it means picking through my neighbor's trash bin.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Bleeping Blogger

Had what I thought was a fairly humorous post, but when I published it, half of a sentence was missing. Which made it not funny. Tried editing and republishing, but again, portion of a sentence was missing.

It's a shame. Now you'll never hear my musings about Dr. Ruth and Sue Johanson.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Ring, Dammit!

I wish the phone would ring. I'm waiting to hear about a second interview for that job I want so badly. I really, really, really want that job. I need something to look forward to.

I've lost sight of my 'self' again - everything seems to be revolving around the impact that external forces have on me. I keep waiting for something to happen to me instead of going out and living my life. It's like my life is one big tease ...

... Here, Kenna, we're gonna give you a new house mate - but wait, he's just not that into you.
... Here, Kenna, we're gonna give you a different love interest - but wait, you're not actually going to be able to see him often, and you'll both run into problems having the other one over because of your house mates.
... Here, Kenna, we're gonna allow you to interview for the job of your dreams - but wait, we're not sure if you're the employee of our dreams.


Guess this is just a mopey post. Y'all know what to do - boil some water for me, please.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Snow's Falling

It started about two hours ago and it's coming down fast and furious. I trudged downtown at lunchtime to mail a package, and as I crunched through the snow I could see that I was the first one to blaze a trail on the sidewalk. It was fun for about two blocks and then the wind shifted and I was walking face first into cold, wet snow. Then as the accumulation built, it began to get slippery underneath. By the time I got back I was wishing I'd driven to work today.

Still waiting for that call-back on the new job. Please, please, please keep thinking good thoughts for me. I'd like nothing better than to get that job even though it means I will probably have to take a pay cut and I'll no longer be able to walk to work. But it would be worth it to have a job where I know I won't be underutilized and under-challenged and where I'll know that I'm accomplishing something each and every day.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Uh-Oh ...

Have been trading increasingly intimate emails with Larry # 2 and this morning in an apparent afterthought he asks:

"PS: Just a question.....I don't know why I feel compelled to ask but....Our emails are not shared on my part....You don't allow anyone to read mind do you?"

Uh-oh. I don't think he knows about this blog (I am using an assumed name) but just to be on the safe side, to protect his privacy and mine, there were be no more posts like this. I owe him that much.

It brings to mind the question we all struggle with on a daily basis - what to share? How much is too much? Would I want my correspondence posted in such a public way? This is why I have so much respect for folks we use their real names and who invite their family and friends to read along. They know that they will be called on whatever they post, and so it forces them to think things through and ask "do I really want to put this out there for the whole world to read?"

I honestly don't think Larry knows about this blog, but if he does, I apologize for sharing what you considered to be a personal and private note, and I won't do it again.

P.S. Going forward, it's just going to be Larry - since Larry # 1 kind of dropped of the face of the earth (actually, I did hear from him after sending him Thanksgiving greetings and he's just been crazy-busy on the road with his job) there's no need to differentiate between the two of them anymore. Now I just need a Darryl - oh wait, that was the other way around - one Larry and two Darryls.

Friday, December 03, 2004

I Don't Think So, Honey

I did a little shopping on my lunch hour and picked up this really cute little makeup tote at CVS. Since moving from my usual bedroom into the downstairs suite, I lost significant bathroom drawer space and I've been looking for something in which to store my cosmetics. There was this adorable little makeup tote - you unclasp the latch and the lid lifts and the bottom two drawers slide out. It's a faux red leather box. Perfect. Filled with cheap-o makeup that I probably won't even use, but I would have purchased it at that price ($19.99) even without the cosmetics.

So I thought I'd try to be nice to the one who is engaged, and I motioned for her to come in and admire my new purchase. I knew that she would find it adorable, because, well, it is. She "oohed" and "ahhed" appropriately and then tried to change the subject.

"So, Kenna, tell me - what's going on; why are you leaving?"

I don't think so. I'm not about to discuss the details of my employment with you, honey. I told her I really didn't want to talk about it right now, and that was the end of that. And then I gave her the two crap-o lip gloss duos and sent her on her way.

First Snow

Got the first snow of the season this morning. No snowplows required. It was just barely cold enough to snow, but there were some big fluffy flakes. If the temperature rises even one degree, this light covering will melt in a flash.

Speaking of flashing ... my life flashed before my eyes as I was walking to work this morning. Some idiot in a blue pickup was racing down the street and as I approached the corner I stopped about six feet away from the curb because I could tell he wasn't going to stop at the stop sign. Either he didn't know it was there or he planned on blowing through it all along because he didn't even begin to touch the brakes until he was about 10 feet away from the stop sign. And then, because the road was wet, he skidded and then just decided to gas through the intersection, giving me a little shrug as he sped on by. If there had been a car coming the other way, I would have had a really great shot to pass on to ScooterDeb for her WWOTW.

Speaking of ScooterDeb ... well, you know what we've been speaking about. Tee-hee. Giggle. Snort. Did you get my package yet?

Thursday, December 02, 2004

I Spat On My Lunch Date

Not on purpose, but at one point I did spew forth a piece of 'pomme frite' that had caught in the back of my throat. I was talking and all of a sudden I coughed and this little piece of chewed french fry was hurtling across the table and into his lap.

How embarrassing.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Is It Over?

Is the day over already? Wow, so this is how it's supposed to be - the time just flies by when you are interested and involved in what's going on around you.

I had my interview this morning, and I think it went very well. Unless my read is totally and completely off, I will be called back for a second interview, possibly as early as next week. I don't want to get my hopes up too high or get too cocky, but I think this is the job for me. It's what I want to do ... it's what I'm good at. Thanks to everyone who sent me good vibes this morning - it worked!

In other news ... having lunch with Larry # 2 tomorrow; looking forward to that. Booked a vacation to Charleston, SC for next April with my Mom. That's about it - going to pack it in and go to the gym. Maybe (maybe, she says) I'll upload some photos tonight. We'll see. Until tomorrow ....

Monday, November 29, 2004

All I Want For Christmas ...

... is on sale at Target.

At least, it was a few hours ago. Shortly before 5:00 my housemate Phil sent me this link - Marijuana for sale at Only $25.25. I sent the link to the queen of Target shoppers, Amanda, so she can vouch for me that the page did exist, but now it's gone. Someone got their hands slapped at!

Interestingly enough, though, if you search for "marijuana" on the web site, there are 509 products available (mostly books).

Okay, so you can't buy me some marijuana from - but you can buy me anything you'd like from my wish list. I threw a few things up there just in case you don't know what to get me for Christmas. Yeah, it's wishful thinking, but hey - I was willing to share that winning lottery ticket with you!

Before I Crash

I don't know what has been keeping me going these last three weeks. I know I'm sleep deprived after that sinus infection that took me two full weeks to kick. Then I get into a little 'spat' with my new housemate and didn't sleep well last Tuesday; followed that by a late night on Wednesday in which we talked about (and resolved) our issues and problems and I didn't go to bed until after midnight. Followed by getting up early on Thanksgiving morning to go over the river and through the woods ...

... no nap on Thanksgiving day, and this following a four hour drive and turkey. No nap on Friday; regular bedtime. Saturday had a four hour drive to return home followed by almost eight hours of quality time with the housemate (he missed me after all) and me not going to bed until 1:30 a.m. or so. Followed by getting up early yesterday and then going back to bed at 9:00 a.m. and sleeping again until 11:30. I did sleep fairly well last night, but woke up with a headache. How's that for a kick in the pants?

I wouldn't say I've been getting a lot done at work today, but I've been trying to chip away at things. I'm rehearsing for my interview on Wednesday in my head. Told my boss about it this morning and he feigned interest until I pointed out that it wasn't a company foundation I was interviewing at - it's a $200 million donor-directed fund. Suddenly he realizes that this is big-time stuff. I know he'll give me a good recommendation, but it was like suddenly he realized "Shit, she may actually be going on to bigger and better things!"

Let's hope so.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Pieces of April

Did you ever see that movie?

I just saw it last night and in some ways it mirrored/reflected my own Thanksgiving angst. I was hoping to get a "better" offer and not have to make the trip 'home' to spend Thanksgiving with my family. I had several other offers, but ultimately not a "better" one and so I went. I'm glad I did.

Phil stayed here by himself and avoided his family completely. I thought I had problems with the holiday until he started telling me his story. Even though he said he wanted to be alone, he did admit that he was glad to see me when I got back yesterday afternoon. We went out to dinner and then saw this movie and then had a few drinks and now - wee bit of a hangover. I wanted to sleep in, but no such luck.

In a way, I can't believe I'm still standing. What with the lack of sleep over the course of the last two weeks as I was fighting that sinus infection, spending 8 hours on the road, eating turkey, not getting in any naps - can you believe I was up until 2:00 a.m. last night? Neither can I.

I definitely should try to get a nap this afternoon - I need to be bright and shiny for my interview on Wednesday!

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. In just a few short hours I'll be headed over the river and through the woods to celebrate with my family. I had a brief period of insanity where I thought I wanted to stay here and just celebrate with a few close friends, but you know what? I need to be with my family. I'm glad I came to my senses. And I'm thankful for my family. I plan on telling them that.

May you have a happy and peaceful day.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

First Step Out The Door

I have a job interview next week. I'm so excited!

"A" for Effort

Emailed Larry # 2 and told him I was touched by the flowers ... he responded:


Now that's what I'm talkin about.

As I am learning more about Kenna's multifaceted personality. I treat it like absorbing the beauty of a gem. Keep my eyes open, pay attention, and enjoy seeing what happens when stimulation is provided.

I hope you realize, for me I find our meeting has been exciting and a fun comfortable adventure. I welcome the friendship, enjoy the conversation, smile with the wonderful reactions, and look forward to finding more pieces of the puzzle.

Have a good one........



PS: Pleased that you enjoyed the flowers....Your response encourages me to want to send more.

Okay, so he's not the wordsmith that I am, and he's laying it on a bit thick, but I'll give it an "A" for effort. He'd probably die if he knew I was repeating his message verbatim in this public forum ...

He Sent Me Flowers!

Okay, so last Thursday I went to another Chamber mixer and ran into Larry #
2. We didn't get much of a chance to flirt, but he told me that he'd really
like to get to know me better, and why didn't I send him some email? Well,
that's easy enough. So we've been exchanging messages and have tentative
plans to meet for drinks tonight. And at the end of the message, Larry # 2
attached a beautiful photo - how cool is that?

He Sent Me Flowers!

Monday, November 22, 2004

Hope Floats

this is an audio post - click to play

My Mission Statement

Spent most of the day Thursday in workshops which were, for the most part, a complete waste of time. The afternoon session in particular.

This so-called expert came in and gave us a packet of material, including a page titled "Importance of the ... Mission Statement." Basically he was saying that folks in my line of work need to have a mission statement.

"...the appeal of a ... mission statement will help focus on ... It is a declaration on how past ... have helped the organization to achieve today's ... excellence, and provides greater strength ... blah, blah, blah."

My office/department so does not need a fucking mission statement. Any more than we need annual events to bring together all the members of our '... society.' Person A could give a crap about rubbing elbows with Person B, thank you very much.

And then he pulls out a chart that is a piece of paper that has been divided into four quadrants with labels typed (yes, typed - it's obvious he pulled this out of a file from 1978) at the end of each axis and starts telling us how we have to read people and react according to their social style. I freakin' lost it.

But as I'm sitting here today, once again blogging On Company Time, I begin to wonder ... do I need a mission statement? Something to guide my thoughts, actions and deeds? Perhaps I need to chart my path, and having a mission statement is the way to go.

Or maybe I'm just delirious.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

I'm Still Standing

As promised, I have not let this ailment kick my ass.

I think I had some sort of sinus infection. It's not gone yet, but last night I had - gasp! - a full eight hours of sleep. God Bless my new housemate and his prescription allergy meds.

The shopping trip on Friday was a resounding success. A full fifteen hour day when you include the 4 hours spent in the car driving to and from. We all got some great bargains and managed to cross a few things off our Christmas/Hannukah lists too. And then I followed that up with girls night out yesterday. Eight of us, three pitchers of margaritas and daiquiris, four appetizers and three desserts. Now that's a good time!

Will be spending a lot of time around the house today. My housemate's munchkin is with us for the weekend, and I'm going to let her help decorate. Of course, I won't actually get any ornaments out - I'm too picky about where those go to let a seven year old decide, but she can certainly put the branches in the artificial tree and maybe even rig up a few lights. Maybe I'll even squeeze in a nap.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Can't Buy Me Love

But I can buy me some MegaMillions lottery tickets. The jackpot is now $149 million - that's 149 million dollars!

Faithful readers, you know what to do - show me the love.

The Old Gray Cat Is Dead

My mom emailed me last night and the subject line was the name of one of their cats. Immediately I knew that something had happened. She said that he was dead in the bedroom doorway when she got home yesterday afternoon. He'd been fine when she left in the morning, but in retrospect said that the last three nights he'd been insistent on getting as close to her as he could, like he knew something was wrong and was trying to tell her. I guess it was just his time - and he really wasn't that old, maybe 10.

My parents had their family when they were very young, so they became empty nesters in their mid-late 40s and now their pets are their world. Every time you turn around, there is a cat or a dog begging for a treat. Poor cat probably had clogged arteries from all the cat treats they gave him. Not that I'm blaming my parents for his death. He had a good life - my youngest brother rescued him off the street when he was a kitten, and the life my parents gave him was certainly better than the life he would have led as a stray. He always had a bit of the street in him - only allowing you to touch him for just so long and then - rrrawwhrr! He would tell you when he'd had enough. But he had a soft side too and sometimes he would crawl into your lap or burrow between your legs late at night. When that happened, you just let him be and enjoyed the purring and heavy warm weight against your body.

Mom and Dad buried him in the back yard along with the old St. Bernard and two other cats who met their demise in the last decade or so. They keep the ashes of their Australian Shepard in the knick-knack cabinet. Every now and then my Mom still cries and carries on about what a good dog he was.

Heavy sigh. Sucks getting old.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Fighting Back

I'm not going to let this cold kick my ass.

Actually got more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep last night (I know, no sympathy from Nita and other new mothers) and wonder of wonders - am breathing through both nostrils at the moment. I actually brought my lunch to work today and I logged back in to I need to lose some weight by February 11 so I can fit into a dress that I purchased almost three years ago and have never worn. And what better time to start than when your appetite is suppressed and your taste buds subdued?

Based on this morning's weight and my guess that I need to lose 11 pounds to get to where I need to be, I think it's doable. My target date is 12 weeks and three days away, so I need to lose just under one pound per week. Totally manageable, right? Even with the holidays coming up. I just need to eat less and exercise more.

Yeah, wish me luck.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Someone Else's Therapy

The corner deli was crowded today, so when my cheese quesadilla came up, I still didn't have a place to sit. There were two women sitting (lingering) at a table for four in the front window, so I asked if I could perch on one of the empty seats. "I'm not rushing you, I'd just like to sit in one of these empty chairs," I said.

They took me at my word and continued to linger and chat. I now know all about their teenaged/20something children and their emotional problems. Lady # 1 apparently lost her husband about 5 years ago, and her two sons have dealt with it in very different ways. One stayed with his father and held his hand until he drew his last breath. The other said his goodbyes and went out with his cousins. Not right or wrong, just different. But the older one now seems to still have lingering issues with Dad's death. Mom has offered to pay for therapy (whatever his insurance won't cover) but he never seems to find the time for it.

Lady # 2 talked about her daughter. Always an over achiever (like her Mom) she seemed to be doing so well when she went off to college. But it all came crashing down the second semester of her sophomore year. She joined a Jewish sorority and so many of the other girls were just "so" and even though her daughter was always pretty and popular, she felt the need to be even more "so." And it culminated over the course of four days. Each day a more disturbing phone call from college. By the third day Mom and Dad had set up a counseling appointment for their daughter, but before the day finished out, they looked at each other and knew that one of them had to go there. She took a medical leave and seemed, on the surface, to be dealing well - getting a part-time job, signing up for summer school. Still, she wasn't dealing with whatever issues were bothering her.

These women were talking like being in therapy was simply a natural course of events in their lives. Maybe it is. Maybe it should be. I like Scooterdeb's version of therapy better - "at least you listen for free and you don't interrupt."

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Friday, November 12, 2004

Living Dangerously

I just trashed 25 items from my desktop. Without even looking at them. For me, that's living on the edge.

This Just In ...

... found this tidbit via an educational listserv I belong to:

The Toledo Blade reports that the University of North Carolina at Charlotte (where later today they are having an event called Hanasouki for their Japanese students) is offering a course on the popular TV show American Idol.

This validates my theory that watching AI is not a waste of time after all.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Special Note To ...

... Amanda, Brian and anyone else who has been feeling under the weather lately:

I think I caught your cold.

It was weird - I could feel my head start filling up after lunch yesterday. Pressure behind my eyes. I took a handful of (okay, three) ibuprofen and went to my dinner meeting anyway. Was dragging by the time I got home and when I talked to my friend Mary on the phone, I could hear that my voice was starting to get scratchy. I thought that maybe I could squeak out a decent night's sleep, but no go.

Fell asleep around 10:30 ish but was awake at 11:45. I know I must have gotten some sleep, but it felt like I was just laying here with my eyes closed for most of the night. Somewhere around 2:30 I remembered that I might have some Tussin in the medicine cabinet and took the last dose (which supposedly expired about a year and a half ago) of that. Specifically remember looking at the clock at 3:43 ... saw 5:10 ...finally got up around 5:45 and put the kettle on.

Figured I'd soothe my dry scratchy throat (from breathing through my mouth) and just get up. I have the day off today, so I'm going to do some work around the house this morning and pull out my outdoor garlands and get them up while the weather is good. I can always take a nap this afternoon. At least, I hope I can.

Have a tentative dinner date planned with the UBND tonight, so maybe I'll get around to giving you the second installment in that story. Sorry, Barrie, but I'm going to hold off on audio posts for the next day or so - unless I determine that the cold is making my voice even sexier than usual. Right now I just sound like a stuffed up sick girl.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

When It Rains, It Pours

What kind of man-attracting pheromone did I bathe in?

This just in from a colleague who lives in another city but who will be moving to my town in January:

"I plan to commute for about six months; staying at the Inn or wherever "old dogs" can "bed down" for four or five nights per week. My boss suggested I get an apartment or room."

Of course it's hard for any of you to judge without knowing the back story, but I strongly suspect that this is a thinly disguised proposition. He refers to himself as an old dog because he's a few years older than me (12 or 15) and "bed down" ? - oh yeah, he wants me, bad.

Too bad I just rented my spare room ... of course, the master suite does have a king sized bed (really, two twins pushed together) and two bathrooms. Hmmmmm ....

Life Lessons

It's been too long since I picked on the one who is engaged.

Our heroine (?) still has not learned her lesson with respect to appropriate foot gear. Today she is wearing sling back sandles (closed toed, thank goodness) with no hose. Yes, barefoot in them there shoes. Uh, hello - it's freakin' November, honey. Twenty-six degrees when I got up this morning. Cold enough to force me to dig out the winter jacket, the gloves and the ear muffs.

Put on some goddam socks and shoes for crying out loud.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Snow Sky

We had an absolutely beautiful, glorious weekend. Today there is a snow sky above. The wind has picked up and there is a sharp chill in the air. It's a gloomy and depressing feeling.

But the good news is that I am applying for a job for which I think I am perfectly suited. It would mean a longer commute (hell, anything would be longer than the 10 minute walk I now have) but a 20 minute drive is bearable. A lot of things have been going my way lately, and I'm hoping this does too.

Think good thoughts for me.

Sunday, November 07, 2004


Interesting search for which I am the only result:

It Figures

Woke up around 6:30, decided I was too sore to go to the gym, rolled over and went back to sleep for half an hour or so. Got up at 7:00 thinking I could get the Sunday paper and relax with a cup of cocoa.

The paper still isn't here. Grrr ....

What an event filled week it's been. Had my new housemate move in on Tuesday, and was on pins and needles for the next few days. I've known him for three years and we are great friends, but when you've been alone in a house for this long, it freaks you out knowing that there's someone else in the house. He's being very quiet and considerate, but I still was nervous and jumpy.

And to make matters worse? He has his 7 year old daughter this weekend. And his parents came to visit. Enough to make your blood pressure spike. Interestingly enough, I'm calmer now. His daughter is totally at ease with the entire situation. She loves 'her' bedroom and she's having a great time exploring my little house. And it helped having his parents here yesterday - they were able to help both Phil and his daughter. I went to lunch with them, and I think everyone is more comfortable knowing that there are no axe murderers among us.

Got my hair cut and colored Friday night and then had dinner with the girls. Went to the gym yesterday morning and then spent a few hours doing yardwork while Phil and his family were out to breakfast and such. I'm ready for winter - I lifted my gladiola bulbs and planted the new plants from Burpee. Mowed the lawn one final time and drained the gas. Got the snow shovel out and put the garden hoses away.

Today - well, I thought I was going to read the Sunday paper and relax this morning, but now maybe I'll work on a few resumes. Or answer that email from yet another one of the single men I met a week ago Thursday (my friend Jeanne told me her friend Nancy said he was interested; the only reason I didn't hear from him sooner was he was out of town all week). I need to take care of a bunch of paperwork.

And I need to call my Mom. She doesn't know about my new housemate yet.

Friday, November 05, 2004

A Little Ray Of Sunshine

I really should try to be more optimistic about life ... it certainly helps when you get this kind of a reply from a guy you met at the Chamber mixer last Thursday:

Sorry it took so long for me to reply, I was out of town on company business this week and just returned last night. It was also nice meeting you, you definitely seem like a lot of fun. I will look forward to your next martini party, and in the meantime will give you a call sometime to share some martinis at Luna's. I have a friend that visits frequently from Conn., and if you can round up a friend, we'll see if we can hook up (so to speak). Talk to you soon ...

The Voice Of Reason

Once again I'm going to share some of my personal email, this time a few messages exchanged with Susan (as in "Susan Says" in my tagline ...)

From: Kenna
To: Susan
Subject: "He's Just Not That Into You"

And here's why I think it's so ... I dropped hints in a big way and he just glosses over it. But don't get me wrong - I'm not complaining because after all, he is engaging in conversation with me. Just noting that he's not as anxious as I am to keep moving forward in the relationship.

From: Susan
To: Kenna
Subject: Re: "He's Just Not That Into You"

Sounds like he may be at the let¹s-just-be-friends stage. Or he's just so overwhelmed with work that he can't think of anything else. He may not want to make a date and have to break it again for fear of looking like a jerk. You may get a spur-of-the-moment call.

But like you say, at least he's still conversing. He may not be a lost cause.

Damn, she's good. Thank God for friends like Susan.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Today's Catalog Count

Current (Where Staying in Touch Is Affordable & Fun)
Schweitzer Linen (I don't shop here; my landlords do)

Bait and Switch

Exchanged a few emails with Larry ... I gave him some bait but he just switched the subject:

Me: That's me - party queen.

Okay - no one believes me on the introvert thing. I have the paperwork to prove it, but Susan asked when I was last 'diagnosed' and it was 1996 when I was still married. She thinks it skewed my results and I need to take the test again.

I'm actually home right now - have had a 'low grade headache' for the better part of the week, haven't been sleeping well etc. so I just took the afternoon off. Thought I'd grab a nap, but just haven't been able to nod off.

Going out with the girls tomorrow night, but if you're around this weekend and looking for something to do, let me know.

Him: Sorry to hear you are under the weather. I have been feeling real crappy also. I would bail out too this afternoon but unfortunately I need to stick close to this friggin phone.

Gotta love November!!!

Yep, I do think it is time for you to be re-tested!! :o)

Hope you have a restful evening,


What's For Dinner?

My new housemate has offered to cook dinner.
He says he's a good cook.
Any requests?

Frost On The Pumpkin

Last night we got our first hard frost.

It was 26 degrees when I woke up this morning. It was an interesting walk to work. The leaves have been falling fairly steadily, but last night's frost really brought things down. Some trees had green leaves that just dropped. As I was walking down the street and through the alley on my normal route, I could hear the leaves falling like rain. And there were puddles of leaves at the base of some of the trees. I ran into Ed the maintenance man for the apartment building next to my office, and we walked the last block together. He pointed out the ginko leaves and mentioned that they were green just the other day. Now they are yellow and most of them are on the ground.

Winter is coming soon.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

There's A Strange Man In My House

It's been a long time coming, and I really wasn't sure it would ever really happen, but it did.

I've taken on a housemate.

It's a long story that very few people have been privvy to; it's something that I wanted - and yet feared at the same time; it's exciting and nerve-wracking; it's going to change my life.

My friend Phil, the one I was so upset with for missing my party, has been in a very bad marriage for a very long time. He and his wife have been talking about a separation and divorce for over a year now. Things came to a head over the summer and he was looking to leave - but he didn't have a separation agreement and he couldn't find anything he could afford. I went and looked at a few apartments with him - dumps for $950/month. Plus utilities. And no off-street parking. And no washer/dryer.

I thought about it for a few days and told him "for $950 I could rent you a room, utilities, laundry and off-street parking included." He thought about it for a few days and said he thought that might work. But there was still the issue of the separation agreement.

It's been back and forth and up and down since July. Last week, they signed the separation agreement. Yesterday, Phil brought his bags over and moved in.

Yes, this is definitely going to change my life.

Monday, November 01, 2004

A Strange Affliction?

I thought it a bit odd that Larry used the word 'fabulous' so frequently, and he was always wishing me a great day or weekend or whatever. Now it seems that it wasn't his fault - apparently all men named Larry have this strange affliction.

This from a different Larry who I met last Thursday:


Hopefully, our paths will cross again, soon.

Have a great day,


It's gonna be scary trying to keep track of all the different Larrys ...

Friday, October 29, 2004

Dude, You Are So Invited To My Next Party!

I received a note from my local assemblyman today.

At first I thought it was just another pitch for my vote, but it was on heavyweight stationary, my address was typed by a typewriter, and there was an actual stamp on it. This was honest to goodness mail.

Inside - a preprinted card that said "I read about you in the paper" and his photo along with a copy of the article about my party. Color me impressed. I'm not sure how I feel about him/his staff taking time to do this and spend 37 cents to send it to me, but it reminded me of a different time when your elected officials did mix with the common folks, when they did take note of accomplishments and achievements.

I was further impressed with the fact that he knew where to find me. The article did not give my exact address and I'm not listed in the phone book. I'm not a property owner, so not on the tax rolls. I'm sure he has access to the voter registration rolls and got my address that way. Impressive.

This is an official who I have known to actually take an active interest in his constituency. He actually shows up when invited to an event for the local historical society; he spends time at the county fair; he gets involved in his district. I'm pretty certain I've been in his presence before, maybe shook his hand and said hello.

I'm definitely going to invite him to the next party.

Worth The Wait

Yeah, I know I didn't post yesterday. But hopefully you'll agree that this one is worth the wait.

The hype from my party just won't die.

- Had a party on October 2.
- Invited snarky journalist who didn't show.
- Wrote article for social/gossip column in local paper; article published on Oct 12 with big, bold headline: "Read It and Weep, Snarky Journalist"
- Snarky Journalist responds in his 10/17 column.
- Friend Richard sends letter to editor on 10/19.
- Things quiet for a week.
- Yesterday letter to editor is in the paper.
- Yesterday was Snarky Journalist's birthday.
- I sent Snarky Journalist an e-card.
- So did several of my friends.
- Hilarity ensued.
- Loud bursts of laughter from my office periodically throughout the day yesterday.
- Went to Chamber mixer last night.
- Introduced myself as the Famous/Fabulous Kenna Fearing.
- Collected like, six business cards from single men.
- Saw someone who looked familiar; realized he works out at my gym.
Introduced myself using the line "I didn't recognize you with your clothes on."

I amuse myself.

P.S. For Amanda: Well, I guess I should say that the house I rent has five bathrooms. One downstairs for general public use; two upstairs - one for guest bedrooms and one for the staff quarters (you don't want the staff sharing a bathroom with your guests); and two for the first floor master suite - because as much as she loves her husband, she simply cannot share a bathroom with him. And as I told Jenica - all have functioning shower heads.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004


My internet connection seems to be down today; can't even get to load. Amazingly enough, I can pull pages using the Lotus Notes web browser (which I hate for a variety of reasons, but today it's my hero).

Was supposed to dine with Larry again on Friday, but a work trip has suddenly come up so he had to cancel. He apologized and said "now I really owe you" and I assured him that I couldn't wait to see how he would make it up to me. No pressure there!

Still, I'm troubled. I know the phrase is quickly becoming overused, but I really feel like he's "just not that into" me. He's still got his profile up on and I can tell that he's logging in on a regular basis. Today I noticed that he's added a new photo. Obviously, for him, the search continues.

But you know what? That's okay. Really, I'm okay with it. Just underscores what I've been telling myself all along - the only one who's gonna take care of you is you. Sure, it would be nice to have a deeper relationship, but it's not like I lack for relationships in my life. After all, just yesterday I had a lovely lunch in the park with the Unemployed Boy Next Door. On Saturday I'm going to a party with my faithful sidekick Susan.

I'm too busy to sit around feeling sorry for myself.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

'Tis The Season

Let the catalog deluge begin. In my mailbox today:

Land's End
L.L. Bean

Lunch with the UBND

For the uninitiated among us, that's the Unemployed Boy Next Door.

While it's a bit on the chilly side here today, the sun is out and there isn't a cloud in the sky. A good day for a picnic in the park. The Boy packed his blanket and beer, we stopped at the deli along the way and shared a sandwich in the park. I needed the break.

One thing I'll say for the Boy, he knows how to listen. Sometimes you just need to rant and rave and say what's on your mind and just have someone listen. That's what I needed, and that's what I got.

Still on edge about all the uncertainties in my life - my job, my living arrangements, the status of my relationships. And yet - what am I complaining about? I've got clothes on my back, food on my table, family and friends just a stone's throw or a phone call away. What's wrong with that? Nothing. I've got lots to be grateful and thankful for, so instead of counting my perceived shortcomings, I'll try counting my blessings, thank you very much.

More on the UBND later - I know I left you hanging a few weeks back.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Will Wonders Never Cease?

Got an email from the Ex this morning - he remembered that my brother got married this past weekend and asked how it went. Shocker. He was never good with those kind of things - remembering dates and birthdays and anniversaries and such. And to think I almost called him on my way back into town yesterday ... I gave him the link to the online photos and told him I was always willing to take time to chat. Left the ball back in his court. We'll see how long before he actually proposes a meeting date/time.

In other news, I saw an ad in the paper yesterday for a job that might be right up my alley. The only problem is that a commute would be involved. And they probably won't want to pay me what I'm making now. And it's 50% travel. But no guts, no glory. I'm going to apply and see what happens.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Drip, Drip, Drip ...

I have a leaky faucet.

I know that a nut or a bold needs to be tightened, but I don't know which one. I'll figure it out, I guess, but in the meantime - why is it that men have a gene that tells them how to fix a faucet, and women don't?

The wedding was beautiful. My brother started to cry when he saw his bride come down the aisle. She just beamed. I had on higher than normal heels (for six plus hours) and I ache all over today. The brick pillow and four hour drive home didn't help. Not to mention that I have to go to work tomorrow. Ugh. Is it Friday yet?

Saturday, October 23, 2004

In Case You Were Wondering ...

... why I bring my pillow with me when I travel, it's because hotel pillows are like bricks.

Didn't bring my pillow with me for this weekend wedding, and boy am I regretting it. Wedding isn't until 6:00 this evening, so I'm killing time waiting for the groom to wake up and take me for a ride. My brother, the groom, has several motorcycles and he thought that he would get in one last long ride in before tying the knot. And he's allowing me to accompany him.

It's going to be a beautiful wedding, but I'm afraid my sister is going to have a total meltdown. They asked her to do a reading so that she would be part of the wedding, but she's not very good at public speaking. Her face gets red, she stammers and her voice cracks. Add to that the fact that she's a wedding crier and well ... please send all your virtual strength and good wishes to her so that she can get through it.

Of course, it doesn't help that she's following the mellifluous tones of Lady Kenna.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Restaurant Review

Who cares what the food was like - the conversation was great and 2 1/2 hours passed before we knew it. For enquiring minds who want to know:

My message to Larry this morning:

Larry - So much for a quick dinner - I was surprised to see it was 9:00 when we left. But I enjoyed every single minute and I hope you did too. Have a great day and a wonderful weekend.

His response:

Yep, I noticed that as well when I got in the Jeep. Thanks for making the time though, I always enjoy your company. If I don't talk to you prior I hope you have a fabulous weekend.

Wishing you a great afternoon,

Our conversation really is much more sparkling and animated in person...

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Splitting Hairs

Didn't think it would happen, but I heard back from Mr. Muscle:

Dear Miss Kenna,

I was a male stripper for 15 years. What would make you write what you did ? I was never a Chippendale Dancer and I think I told a girl that once. Hence the comment. I worked for several different male dance groups such as US MALE, PRIME BEEF, NY UNDERCOVER, THE BACHELORS, RENO"S MEET THE MOTION, plus I did STRIP"O GRAMS for ZING-A-Gram for 4 years. Do me a favor, don't ever contact me again. Get your facts straight before you confront someone on something you have no idea about.


Oh, I'm so sorry! Forgive me for confusing male strippers with Chippendale dancers. Apparently there is a huge difference. Poor guy has a chip on his shoulder the size of Texas. Don't worry, Jeff, I won't bother you and your fragile ego again.

My Love Life

For those of you who are interested and/or keeping track, Larry and I are getting together for a quick dinner (pizza and beer) tonight.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

How To Vote

Go here:

Watch the video. Profanity in use so use caution at work. Sometimes you stumble onto some really cool stuff when you hit that "next blog" button.

And on another note - two thumbs up for "The Biggest Loser" A reality show with a real purpose. Guys losing 15 and 20 pounds in one week. And a positive update on the first chick voted out - she lost an additional 15 pounds after leaving the show. Way to go, Dana!

Son of A Bitch!

He lied to us - that muscle-bound motherfucker lied!!

Sorry for the language, but the son of a bitch lied and for no good reason. Flash back to June when I had my mixer. I invited men from that I wanted to meet, including one guy named Jeff.

Jeff was this big muscle-bound guy who was actually pretty soft-spoken (several friends speculated on steroid use) but he seemed to enjoy himself and actually posed for several pictures with yours truly. At one point he even confessed that he had been a male stripper for a while. I was playing hostess and didn't get to talk to him much, but my friends all thought he was interested and they all felt pretty strongly I'd hear from him again.

Never did.

I emailed him; no response. Saw he was online one day and tried sending him an instant message; he logged off shortly thereafter. Okay, I get the message. Not interested. So today I was checking my personal email via my RoadRunner account and I see this ad for their matchmaking service, I click on it, scroll through the men in my area and BAM! there's Jeff.

And one of the questions they ask you to answer is what is the best/worst lie you've ever told. Jeff's response:

I was a Chippendale's Dancer

I don't get it. Why did this man feel the need to lie? I decided to call him on it and sent him the following message:

Jeff - I can't believe you lied when you told us that you were a male stripper ...

What made you think you had to tell a lie to try to impress people? We were impressed by the fact that you had the guts to show up when so many others didn't. Had another party on October 2; didn't invite you because you never showed any interest or followed up in any way. A good time was had by all (and then I included a link to the stroy in local paper.)

Good luck in your search ...
(resisted the urge to add "you're gonna need it.")

Motherfucking muscle-bound piece of shit for brains asshole.

I'm So Pathetic

I keep looking longingly at my monitor, hoping that wishing will make it so ... I want some damn email from Larry!

Haven't heard from him since our dinner date on Friday. Sent him a breezy note Sunday evening and so far, no reply. Not too obsessive here - after all, I did send it to his home email ... maybe he's been busy and hasn't checked it? Maybe he's just not that into me. No, that can't be it! Chances are, the poor boy is actually working for a living, unlike me, blogging "On Company Time."

I actually really hate knowing that I'm so caught up in this guy that I'm sitting around, waiting for the next contact. And I hate even more that I'm admitting it to you ... part of the reason I started that infamous other blog (I know, Deb, you told me to stop mentioning it). Because I'm not the kind of person that has to have someone in her life. I can get along just fine by myself, thank you very much. It's the rush, the excitement of something new and different that I get off on. The anticipation, having something to look forward to.

Was out of the office all day yesterday and am catching up on a few things today. Need to pull out the cover letter I wrote over the weekend and get that in the mail.

Next up: waiting to see if Phil wants to have lunch ... I gotta come up with better ways to waste my time.

Monday, October 18, 2004


Can't believe I was the 11th site returned for this search:

And Brian wasn't even on the first page!

Sunday, October 17, 2004

My Never-Ending Party

So you heard a bit about my party on October 2 (I know, I still haven't gotten around to posting any photos) and now it's time for the rest of the story.

As you may or may not know, Kenna Fearing is a pseudonym. My real name is rather generic, I'm sure there are hundreds if not thousands of unrelated people out there who share my name. In fact, I know that there is a young 20-something Sandra Bullock look-alike who lives in NYC and has the same name I have. I know this because a local reporter wrote about her in an article at the end of August in which he gushed that she was "perhaps the most spectacular looking girl on the planet."

Around that time I was in the midst of planning my party, and since I am a single, adventurous 30-something woman who had the balls to invite men from to her last party, I couldn't resist - I invited the reporter to my party.

You don't even need the back story about how this guy is a snarky condescending prick to appreciate the chuckle I got when I found out that for a split second he got excited and thought that the young woman he lusted after had actually noticed him. He discreetly checked me out, discovered that I wasn't the exact person he hoped I'd be, and did not attend the party.

Of course, at the party I'd made copies of the article and had highlighted the phrase "perhaps the most spectacular looking girl on the planet" and we were all anxiously awaiting his arrival (not). He didn't show, so I wrote an article and sent it to another local 'journalist' - she of the 'society pages' and lo and behold - she published my article (and a photo) and added a big bold headline that said "Read It And Weep, Snarky Prick."

So today, condescending guy responds with a column titled "A Party? Why I'd Love To Come" (heh, yeah - I bet you would but if you don't bother to show up at the party there's no chance of that, buster [this snide comment just occurred to me ... I slay myself]).

Anyway, I find the whole thing rather amusing and I'll sum it up with this:

Fun party dress: $18 at end of season sale at Filene's

18 long stemmed, deep bowled martini glasses: $15.48 on sale at Mikasa outlet

Ingredients for several gallons of martinis: $99.76

Getting your name in the local paper along with the phrase "quite possibly the most spectacular looking girl on the planet" three times in the last 60 days: Priceless

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Unleashing the Beast

Still haven't put together a list of "100 Things About Me" so this is probably as close as you are going to get for now. Fire away. Thanks to my friend Marti for the chain email ...

Welcome to the next edition of Getting To Know Your Friends. Okay, here's what you're supposed to do.....and try not to be LAME and spoil the fun!

Copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it into a new e-mail that you can send. Change all of the answers so that they apply to you. Then, send this to a bunch of people you know *INCLUDING* the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends. It is fun and easy AND HELPS TO KNOW WHAT THEY LIKE

1. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING? my navy blue with snowflake jammies
2. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? the hum of my laptop; other assorted house creaky noises
6. WEATHER RIGHT NOW? gloomy and grey
9. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? tired, yet wired
10. FAVORITE DRINK? I don't really have an overwhelming favorite ...
11. FAVORITE SPORT? verbal jousting
12. HAIR COLOR? strawberry-ish blonde
13. EYE COLOR? hazel
16. FAVORITE FOOD? macaroni & cheese
18. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? any hot lazy summer afternoon by the water
19. HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOME ONE OUT? apparently, yes, just within the last 2 weeks!
24. LEAST LIKELY? Zach Braff
26. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? None - I'm an intellectual slug lately
28. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Trivial Pursuit

Friday, October 15, 2004

Five Hours With Larry

I had a really nice evening. Larry came over at 6:00; we had dinner reservations at 7:00 and we were back here at the house around 9:00. I gave him the grand tour (even though he was here two weeks ago, he never got off the back porch) and then we sat and talked on the couch. He left around 11:00 and I sent him this email message a short time ago:

Dear Larry,

I know that you don't believe me and we are going to be having this conversation for a long time to come, but I really am an introvert!

But beyond that, I enjoyed spending time with you this evening and I'm disappointed that it will be another two weeks before we get together again. Until then, I'll leave you with this:

1) Does Kenna have a tatoo, and if so, what, and where?
2) Based on the contents of my refrigerator, what kind of person am I?
3) What is the one thing you'd really like to know but were afraid to ask?

That should keep you busy through the weekend ... hope you had a safe trip home.


In the course of our conversation, I told him that I'm an introvert, and for some strange reason, he doesn't believe me. Larry spent some time in the Air Force and I asked him if he had any tats, and somehow gave him the impression that I had one ... or several. He mentioned one interaction where a woman basically sent him this questionnaire, and one of the questions was to detail the contents of his fridge - thus, question # 2. And, I really wondered - was there some question that was on his mind that he didn't dare ask - yet?

All in all, a great second date. Won't see him again for two weeks because next weekend is my brother's wedding - and even if it weren't too early in the relationship to invite him to come along, I'll be there for an extended weekend so it just wouldn't work out. But there's a chance that we'll do back to back dates on the 29th and 30th. We'll see.

Working On Company Time

Yeah, I know - sucks to be me today.

Have a meeting in NYC on Monday and I'm trying to pull all my shit together so I don't have to come in here over the weekend. And I'd like to try to get out of here on time or a few minutes early if possible so I can go home and make myself bee-yoo-tee-full for my dinner date. So - more later when I have more to tell.

And don't worry - I'll finish the UBND story eventually; I kind of like the idea of feeding it to you in installments - keeps you coming back for more!

P.S. Today is my sister's birthday. Happy Birthday! And Richard's birthday too - Happy Birthday Ricardo!!

Thursday, October 14, 2004

The Unemployed Boy Next Door

I didn't choose him as a neighbor; he was already there when I moved in.

It was the fall of 2001 and I had just moved into my little rented house and was throwing a (imagine this) party. I was readying for my little shindig, and the unemployed boy next door picked that day to walk on over and introduce himself. So being neighborly and such, I invited him to drop by.

And I haven't been able to get rid of him since.

Oh, he's not a bad person. He's just a little ... odd. As I said to a friend recently, "He's a strange bird, but he's my bird." At first, I knew very little about him, and I think that was by choice, on both our ends. He was somewhat secretive, and having just moved to (among other things) get a little distance from John who was the boy next door in my old apartment, I really wasn't looking to get involved either.

It was a gradual thing, getting to know the unemployed boy next door. The first winter was mild and I was able to handle most of the snow removal myself. I had another party in June 2002 and the boy began to come out of his shell. By winter of 2002, when the snow fell in copious amounts, he began to help in earnest, and while I didn't want to assume that he would bring the snow blower over, I often hoped that he would, because there was an awful lot of snow.

Slowly, he began to tell me more. He's divorced - has been for years. Claims he doesn't even know where his ex wife is or what she's doing. Being newly separated and not yet divorced at this point, I just couldn't imagine that he didn't even know where his ex-wife was. How could you spend so much time with someone and then just lose touch? I suppose it happens ... and I suppose one day it may happen to me too.

Initially, he just simply stated that he didn't work. Over the years he's changed his story slightly to say that he is retired. In his early 40s. My interest was piqued. After all, one of my secret fantasies is to be a kept woman. It would be nice to not have to work, to have a man take care of me. The boy is attractive and fit. Hmmm - what are the possibilities?

Then we went out to dinner. A real date. And my bubble was burst.

{this post in progress - you didn't really think you'd get the whole story in one telling, did you?}

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

This Just In ...

... from the unemployed boy next door:

Looks like this is the last nice day for awhile -- how about a sandwich in the park for lunch?

Hmm ... what to do, what to do? I don't have any lunch plans, but I'm not sure I want to chitchat with him in the park. He's curious about my personal life and wants more info, I'll bet you anything. Although there is nothing between us, he likes to know what is going on in other relationships in my life, gets off on it a bit, I think.

Haven't responded yet ... not quite sure what I want to do.

2:00 PM UPDATE: Decided to have lunch with the UBND after all. I had to go home to meet the sprinkler system guy, and took him up on his offer of lunch in the park. We got a sandwich at the deli and sat on a bench in the sun by the duck pond. Actually, very enjoyable. Of course he was looking for more details, but I didn't tell him any more than I wanted him to know.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004


So here I am, trying to watch "Sex and the City" on TBS and they get 10 minutes into the episode, and all of a sudden, "Save The Last Dance" is on. I should have just tuned into "Law & Order: SVU" as originally planned. Or maybe I should just hit the sack ... leave the alarm turned on ... get up at 6:00 a.m. and take a brisk walk.

Yeah, right.

The One With The Truth About London

When I visited my brother this weekend, he gave me a copy of the reading he would like me to do at his wedding. As you all know, I have a lovely speaking voice and great presentation skills. But I don't know if I'm going to be able to get through this one.

The reading is totally something out of Friends episode # 162, "The One With The Truth About London." You know the one:

Chandler becomes upset after learning that Monica only came to his room in London looking for Joey on the first night they were together. Joey is ordained as a minister through the Internet so that he can officiate the wedding. Phoebe becomes upset after taking headache medicine. Ross becomes upset after a baby-sitting Rachel teaches Ben how to play pranks.

Joey is working on his sermon and the conversation goes like this:

Joey: "Okay, you guys, I got a little more written. Are you ready? (reading) 'When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving and....' And then I can't think of a good word for right here."

Monica: "How about receiving?"

Joey: "Yes!"

and later:

Joey: "Now, now, listen. This is just a first draft, so... (starts to read) 'We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share.' (Monica and Chandler like it so far.) Eh? (He continues reading.) 'It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have and receive.'"

I swear, that's all I could think about when I saw this reading:

Marriage Fulfills the Dreams and Love Two People Share

Everyone searches
for one special person
they can share their lives with;
the other half who makes them whole,
like two notes blending together
to make a beautiful song,
or the colors that complement
each other to form a rainbow.

It is everyone's wish
to have a lifetime of sunny days,
a rainbow after every storm;
a lifetime of loving and living
and growing and giving,
of sharing and caring;
a lifetime of days together,
learning from the bad times
and cherishing the good times.

Marriage is everything your heart desires,
and the strength, courage, and
determination to work for it.
In marriage you take care of each other's heart
and hold on to what you share.
You hold it gently, so it doesn't smother,
and firmly, so it doesn't slip away.
Hold it so that it can grow,
and you can grow together,
and live and laugh and love together always.

- Glenda Willm

I SO hope I don't lose it when I have to say "a lifetime of loving and living and growing and giving, of sharing and caring" because I really do want to do a good job for them. I think I got it out of my system - had a good laugh with my brother and his fiance about it. It's too late to change the reading since it's already been approved by the wedding nazi and my future sister-in-law really isn't prepared to do battle with her again. She already freaked out when it was suggested that the ushers walk down with the ringbearer (because you know, the ushers must already be up front waiting when the ringbearer comes down the aisle!).

I swear - next wedding, it's me, my man and whoever else happens to be on the beach.

Kenna Confesses

this is an audio post - click to play


So I'm sitting here wondering what to do.

Part of me wants to update you on this morning's email exchanges with Larry (I gave myself permission to make contact today after maintaining internet silence all weekend) and part of me doesn't want to share.

I'm b'twixt and b'tween.

See, on the one hand, this is a fun time for me. I haven't had a new man in my life in ... gosh, years. And it's fun to allow yourself to get swept away in the excitement of a new relationship. (Can I even say that it's a relationship? I grabbed his ass and we went out to dinner once.)

On the other hand (careful, I'll be blunt here) - who gives a shit?

It really just comes down to this - what's this blog all about anyway? Why do I write? Why do you read? What are the rules? Do I have any obligations - to myself? To you, the reader? Or is this just a long winded tease ... by thinking out loud like this am I just teasing you by not giving you what you really want to hear - the content of those x-rated emails exchanged On Company Time earlier this morning?

Monday, October 11, 2004

Today's To-Do List

Okay, so I'm making some of this up as I go along so I can feel that sense of accomplishment in checking it off, but still ...

call for dentist appointment
call for doctor's appointment
call for appointment to winterize sprinkler system
clean stains on porch carpet
clean black beverage tubs and cooler
dump out week-old wine that wasn't consumed
go to gym
cook up bacon

thank you note to Nancy
put away martini glasses
empty suitcases
7:08 p.m.
update mailing list for women's group
daydream about Larry; but don't contact him
shower and get dressed
figure out how to get rid of underlining in my hyperlinks
throw away excessive wire hangers

(post in progress ...)

What A Difference A Day Makes

So glad I came home yesterday. I pulled out the down comforter last night and put it on my bed. So warm and cozy! I slept great last night. Allowed myself to sleep in and didn't get up until 8:30. Went to the gym and burned my 500 calories and came home and cooked myself a big breakfast. Have a number of things to do today - hopefully will FINALLY finish unpacking so I can feel settled in this house for the next 9 months. Just in time to start pulling out the Christmas decorations ...

Oh, and gas spiked up to $2.14 overnight, but interestingly enough, in the next town over where I go to the gym it's still $2.03 and $2.05. Guess you know where I buy my gas.

Sunday, October 10, 2004


... driving home to visit my family this weekend was like taking a step back in time. It was Friday night and there was a high school football game at the stadium behind my brother's house. Opening day for the movie, "Friday Night Lights" wasn't it? Saturday morning I heard the factory whistle blow at 6:50 a.m. and again at 7:00. The factory doesn't operate anymore, and the whistle ... just for old time's sake, I guess.

... fall foliage report: peak to past peak

... I really hate the dead bugs on the front of my car after I've driven 226 miles

... what compelled my brother to ask "what's wrong with him?" when I told him that Larry was 40 and had never been married? My brother is 34 and is getting married for the second time in a few weeks; the first marriage lasted 18 months. My sister also asked the same question. She's 41 and has never been married either - but she's been with the same guy (now 49) for 20 (yes, that's right - 20!) freakin' years and she doesn't see anything wrong with that

... resisted the urge to call or drive by either the Ex's house or John's house on my way home. I'd be willing to bet that John will call me tomorrow to see if I have the day off and want to get together for "lunch." Anyone want to take that bet?

... did I mention that I had lunch with a very influential woman on Friday and told her I was looking to make a career change? Don't be surprised if there is more to come here.

... I listened to the Potato Month compilation CD on my way back and I think I definitely have to hear more of Rachael Yamagata - Letter Read is my new favorite song

... drove by the Mobil station and gas was $2.03; thought it might be cheaper at the local convenience store - nope, $2.05. Kept going and silly me - ended up paying $2.09 here in town.

Friday, October 08, 2004


That's what I paid for gas last night. When did gas start creeping up again? It was spiraling down to $1.85 and all of a sudden (it seems) it's over $2/gallon again. I don't think we'll ever see the days of gas for less than $1/gallon again. Yes, I do remember those days. Even if we were to get back down to $1.20/gallon, that would be amazing. No, I'm afraid these increases are here to stay.

Which totally sucks now that the heating season is well, heating up again.

Slow day here at work. Have been working on my resume all morning because I am having lunch with a woman who is a vice president at a local convenience store chain. Do I want to work for a convenience store chain? Sure, why not? And even if I don't get a job there, this woman is very well connected and I'm sure she'll keep me in mind as she hears about other opportunities. I happen to know that she thinks highly of me - at least she did, I don't know if her impression changed after seeing me in my glory at the party last Saturday!

Big news - (well, big for me) - looks like I didn't scare Larry off. We're going to go out on a second date next week. This bodes well. Most guys don't come back after the initial meeting. I'm just too much woman and most men aren't able to handle a woman with this much personality and spunk. I literally scare them away. Of course, if you're not looking to "handle" your woman, then you just might be the man for me.

I was in a marriage where I tried to suppress my self - it didn't work. Here you go, this is who I am. Either you like me just the way I am, or you keep looking. Does this mean I'm inflexible and rigid when it comes to relationships? Hell, no! It just means I know what I want, I know why I want it, and I'm not afraid to ask for what I want.

Because to tell the truth - Larry didn't ask me out, I asked him out. At least that's what friend Mary told me last night. She said we were sitting and talking about restaurants at the party and when Larry mentioned a restaurant in his town, I asked "So, is that where you're taking me to dinner?" Most men would have run away screaming. He didn't. Way to go, Larry!

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

The Big Date

So, I went on my big date with Larry. Not bad!

I was a little hesitant going in, because I really blacked out and I didn't know what I said or did, and Larry didn't realize how little I remembered. It was humorous until he told me about the multiple orgasm conversation.

Somehow the topic of multiple orgasms came up, and apparently I began re-enacting that scene ... you know the one ... from "When Harry Met Sally" Larry thought it was funny. I was mortified. He also said I grabbed his ass, but he didn't mind that. Just wish I could remember.

So he refreshed my memory about the conversation we had already had, and spent two and a half hours getting to know each other over dinner. I think it's safe to say that we will be getting together again.

Word of the Day


1) Not favorable; unpropitious.
2) Troublesome; adverse: an untoward incident.
3) Hard to guide or control; unruly.
4) Improper; unseemly.
5) Archaic. Awkward.

Sample sentence usage:
If any of my actions Saturday night were untoward, my apologies.

Blame It On The Vodka

I just realized what happened Saturday night. It was the Svedka.

Someone told me about this great new vodka, distilled five times and super smooth. What do I know about vodka, but amazingly enough it was also one of the cheapest vodkas in the liquor store. The Cosmopolitan martini I was making was 2 parts vodka to one part mixers, including triple sec which is not non-alcoholic. Super smooth = super potent. I might as well have injected the stuff.

You Think?

From (emphasis mine):

"When using any driving directions or map, it's a good idea to do a reality check and make sure the road still exists, watch out for construction, and follow all traffic safety precautions. This is only to be used as an aid in planning."

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

That's What Friends Are For

I keep my friend Susan around for a good reason. She tells me like it is.

So, at this party the other night I made the mistake of not eating very much during the day and then compounded matters by drinking Cosmopolitan martinis - which quite literally make me crazy. I was totally trashed. I suspected it when I saw the first batch of photos, many of which I simply did not remember posing for, and it was confirmed when I picked up the second batch of photos last night.

Exchanged a series of emails with Susan today:

Me: How drunk was I?
Susan: Quite.

Me: Oh God. Why didn't you say something sooner? Did I do or say anything that will come back to haunt me or was I just very happy and overly affectionate?
Susan: Ha! I thought you knew. No need to worry. You were your usual happy, affectionate self and made sure everyone knew that you loved them. Lots of hugs and kisses and "I love you"s.

Later, a tidbit of a memory came back to me:

Me: I do have one memory of the evening that maybe you can confirm/clarify ... we must have been talking about my breasts, and I might have offered folks a feel? And Melissa took me up on it? Were you there for that?
Susan: Sorry, I missed that one. Doesn't surprise me though. You become very proud of your breasts when you're drunk and share them willingly with anyone who wants to look or touch. Nothing Melissa did that night would surprise me.

So I have 120 photos of the event, and yes, I will get around to posting a few (the boob shot already made its way to Boobiethon 2004) once I can make thumbnails and clear out some space in my directory to upload. But first I have to go to the gym and do penance for all the alcohol I drank and brie I ate (dinner last night and the night before - and I still have one that never made it to the oven).

Tomorrow night I have a dinner date with a man I met at the party (God only knows what we talked about or what I did to encourage him to set up that date!) and on Thursday I have a dinner date with Susan so she can give me the lowdown on her perspective of the evening and I can share the photos with her.

Monday, October 04, 2004


Yes, it was another fabulous party. Will get around to posting pics at some point; have been busy cleaning the mess, enjoying a fantastic fall afternoon, taking a boob shot of myself for BoobieThon 2004, writing an article about the party for the society pages of the small local paper, disposing of dead mouse #5, eating leftover brie, and stowing away the martini glasses - none of which by the way, broke during the party. Sadly, can't say the same for my oversized pie plate, but on the plus side I did acquire a new glass platter and two serving baskets - Party rule #9: if you don't take it with you and you don't mark it with your name, it's mine.

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Mouse Free?

The traps I set Thursday night are still unsprung and empty. Maybe I just had that family of four and they are now all dead? Let's hope so.

Got up and went to the gym. Sweated off 489 calories. Not quite 500 but close enough. I'll burn the other eleven calories somewhere today. Things are pretty much set for the party - just need to do so picking up and tidying upstairs because I will have at least one overnight guest, and may want to give certain folks the entire grand tour, so best not to have my clothes draped over the chairs and such.

I may need to make another run to the liquor store ... premixed three different martinis last night and am just about out of triple sec, and getting low on the banana liqueur. Plus I need more gin, and while I'm at it, I might as well pick up more vodka. It's not like it will go bad - better to have it and not use it than to run out.

Need to prep my brie and the crab spread dish. Then cut up lemons and limes. Finally, a shower and do my nails. Plenty of time, I think.

Hey, if you're lucky maybe I'll do a drunken audio post during the party!

Thursday, September 30, 2004

HA! I Win

You know that mouse? He's dead.

Turns out this is the mouse that made off with a trap about a week ago. I had set the trap and it just ... disappeared. I figured that I'd caught part of a mouse and he'd limped off dragging the trap behind. Turns out, I was right.

When I folded up the throw rug around the bucket and flipped it over I heard the thunk of a dead mouse. Upon closer inspection (a few drinks and the unemployed boy next door standing by my side made me bold) we discovered that wee mouse was missing a front leg. When I find that missing trap, I'll find the leg.

Apparently Mr. Mouse has been dying a slow death for the past week. But he decided to stick it to me and made sure I was aware of his suffering. Tough shit. I set two more traps. Details in the morning.

"The Country" - A Poem

this is an audio post - click to play

Grrr ...

Today sucks.

First the mouse in the house. Then I was late for my morning appointment. Then it was raining as I left my luncheon, and I didn't have an umbrella. And what the hell was in that rain? The self tanner I'd put on this morning (in anticipation of the party on Saturday) was bleeding into my white panty hose. Come on, plain old water shouldn't make that run, should it?

I'm not going back into the office. Screw it. I'm in a pissy mood and I don't need to share it with anyone. I want to bask in this negativity all by myself.

Still not a peep from you know who. Not an email. Not a voice mail message. Nothing. Thanks for all your good advice. Makes me wish I'd been sharing some of the details all along instead of pumping it into that infamous 'other blog' since May.

I'm going to pick up a few things around here, maybe check on that mouse and then go to the gym where I'll sweat off some of this anger and frustration. Channel myself in a positive way. I check in with y'all later.

This Is War

I went down to the laundry room this morning to grab a pair of panty hose off the drying rack. As I rounded the corner my sharp eyes spotted something on the rug. It was a mouse.

I turned the light on and it didn't move. I observed it from a distance and it still didn't move. It appeared to have its head buried in a fluff of lint. I slowly moved toward the mouse, just hoping it was dead and I would deal with it later. It stirred. I swore.

I went to the porch and got a bucket. The mouse was still in the same spot, in something of a stupor. I put the bucket over the mouse, grabbed my panty hose, and ran. I'll deal with it later.

I was okay with mice running around the old part of the basement, the place I only visit occasionally. But here, in my laundry room - out in the open in broad daylight ?

This is war.