Monday, January 31, 2005

It Bears Repeating

Finally figured out how to activate audioblogger on my new blog. Check it out.

The Perfect Kiss

this is an audio post - click to play

Sorry folks - this was supposed to go to my new blog ... apparently you can only audiopost to one blog. I thought I'd changed my settings to go to the new blog, but ... will work it out.

Still - enjoy.

I Just Might Do It

I've been thinking/talking about it for the last year - taking some sort of extravagant vacation to celebrate turning 40 this year. I saw an ad in my AAA magazine for a cruise on the Queen Mary 2. Twelve days in the Caribbean. I mentioned it to my faithful sidekick Susan.

I think we're going to do it.

Happy Blogiversary To Me

It's official - my blog is one year old.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Had It

7:30 a.m. - 1:00 p.m.
Had a hangover

1:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m.
Had a visit from Michael

6:15 p.m. - 8:15 p.m.
Had a nap

8:20 - 9:00 p.m.
Had a conversation with Susan

And how was your day?

Saturday, January 29, 2005


Minus 7 degrees this morning, but it's supposed to go up to a high of 25 degrees later today. Heat wave!

Friday, January 28, 2005

It Just Keeps Getting Better

Life is swirling around me.

So ... my dinner date with Michael. I have a feeling you haven't heard the end of this drama. He apologized for running out on me last Saturday. He doesn't want to lose my friendship. He swears that he can handle casually dating me. I just kept reminding him that actions speak louder than words. We'll wait and see.

He dropped me off after dinner and I immediately changed my clothes and went back out into the cold. I'm co-hosting a party on Feb 11 at a local restaurant, and the owner invited me to stop by for his Latin jazz night.

When I arrived the owner told me to go chat with a woman at the end of the bar. "She's waiting for friends; keep her company." Sure - I was by myself and didn't want to stick out like a sore thumb either. So we start chatting and it turns out she was waiting for her co-workers. She works at a company that I'd like to work for ... when the co-workers arrived, she introduced me to the owner ... who just so happens to live on my street. I have no idea what will come of it, if anything, but I fully intend on sending my resume next week.

And then, as I was getting ready to leave, a man walked in. Someone who I know I've seen downtown frequently. So I went up to him and asked his name. There was a reason he looked familiar. He's an artist of some renown who I saw speak at a function years ago. He also happens to have grown up in the area where I grew up - we went to the same high school! And get this - he's now divorced.

I promptly invited him to the Feb 11 party.


Minus 15 this morning. No wind chill factor. And yes, I did walk to work!

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Oops - We Did It Again!

this is an audio post - click to play

Happy Birthday ScooterDeb!

Cut Me Some Slack

Okay, I just know you're going to give me grief, but here goes.

I'm having dinner with Michael tonight.

Despite the fact that on three separate occasions he has gotten upset and simply walked out on me. Despite the fact that, as Susan so astutely says in my new tagline, "...this guy has baggage that's just too heavy to lift, or drag."

Call me a masochist, but I just gotta see what he comes up with next.

Besides, he owes me dinner. Ever since I first met and flirted with this guy on December 16, all I've gotten is:

* 12/23 - an afternoon visit that stretched into the evening during which I made him dinner (okay, pizza, but still); nice long visit that ended abruptly after I told him that I had a standing offer from John to "service" me whenever I needed a tune-up
* 12/30 - another afternoon visit that included a walk downtown for drinks and appetizers; visit stretched out for nearly nine hours and ended when I admitted I'd had dinner with Larry the day before
* 1/7 - an evening visit/cuddle on the couch - no sudden ending!
* 1/8 - an afternoon/overnight visit during which we cooked dinner together
* 1/13 - a lunch date
* 1/22 - a planned movie/dinner date which he unceremoniously cancelled (the aforementioned third instance of his walking out on me)when I admitted that I'd had dinner with a" friend" (Larry) the night before

[NOTE: I'm not counting the two afternoons (1/17 and 1/19) of snuggling in between the lunch date and the planned movie/dinner date. It was last week when I was sick and congested. Lying on top of the bed with me and snuggling while I sniffle does not constitute a date. But it's probably part of the reason he got so ripped when he found out I'd gone out to dinner with someone else ...]

And he wonders why I'm not prepared to pledge my undying love and total commitment to him. I'm making him take me to the seafood extravaganza at one of my favorite restaurants.

Let's see if he walks out on me tonight...


It is minus 6 degrees here today. Luckily, no wind and therefore no wind chill factor. Sources say that it's anywhere between 20 and 40 below with the wind chill factor up where Jenica lives. I say stay home and cuddle with the cats!

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Spotted Plate

I like to highlight clever vanity plates; here's the first entry for 2005:


Methinks he really likes his Toyota Prius.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

26 More Years?

Can it be? Will I still be working 26 years from now?

I just got off the phone with a 66 year old woman who said she was in the process of changing jobs and she really didn't have time to see me. Sixty six years old. And still working. Is this what I have to look forward to?

I'm trying to do my job, which means I have to cold call prospects and try to convince them to meet with me. Once I convince them to meet with me, I'm supposed to present a compelling case for financial support of this fine institution.

Even if I had been able to get an appointment with her, this woman is sixty-six years old and still working. Like she's going to have some disposable income to throw my way.

It's just too damn depressing.

A Communication Has Been Received

Special note to Barrie: I got your package.

And in other news ... yesterday I also received an envelope from Michael. He had gone home on Saturday, put the three photos I'd given him in an envelope, taken it to the post office, got it in Saturday afternoon's mail, and it was in my mailbox by yesterday. No return address. No note. Just my photos.

Boy, is he pissed!

Monday, January 24, 2005


It just occurred to me that now that Michael has dumped me, the sinus pain and pressure I've been feeling for the past week has disappeared.

Coincidence? I think not.


We all just got a one line email from the man in charge of mail distribution at this organization. If you're only sending a one sentence message, don't you think you could make it a little cleaner than this:

"Due to conditions beyond our control they will not be any mail delievered today."

And in other news ... I think it's over with Michael. We were supposed to get together over the weekend and he drove all the way over to my place and within five minutes asked me what I had done the night before. When I told him that I'd had a dinner date, he ended it right then and there. Wouldn't stay and talk about it, didn't want to hear an explanation, asked me for his photos back, and left. He did send me an email message three hours later, saying how hard it was for him to leave but he didn't understand how he wasn't enough for me, how I could continue seeing other people, how he'd hoped it would become serious between us and how I would become a part of his kids' lives and how he wished he could say that he wanted to remain friends, but he didn't, so there.

But if I know anyone who might be interested in dating him, I should let him know.

If you're a mousy woman who wants to be smothered and controlled by a very loving and tender-hearted 51 year old man who can't get it up, let me know and I'll put you in touch with Michael.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Snowed In

Yeah, I'm snowed in.

Not sure how much snow actually fell - 8 or 10 inches? It looks cold out there. I won't be going to the gym today - I'll get plenty of exercise just shoveling snow.

Friday, January 21, 2005


That's Amanda-speak for "Thump On The Head" and that's just what I got last night.

I put in my 40 minutes on the elliptical trainer and another 20 minutes down in the weight room and I was all hot and sweaty and smelly and ready to go home. I bent down to tie my boots and when I stood up - WHAM! I hit the bottom of an open locker door so hard that I knocked it off the hinges.

Luckily, I'm pretty hard headed and I must have hit that sucker just right because I didn't even break the skin - no blood. The gym staff was pretty quick to come to my aid (there was a woman in the locker room who alerted them to the accident - if I'd been alone I'm not sure I would have even said anything) and quickly gave me an ice pack. And wrote out an accident report. As they cautioned me about driving and urged me to go to the emergency room if I felt dizzy or had blurred vision or felt nauseous, it did occur to me that I had just whacked myself pretty good.

Went home and dutifully called the gym to let them know that I'd arrived home safely, iced my head and took some ibuprofen. I really don't even have much of a bump - I only noticed it when I stood against the wall - it's right where the back of my head touches.

I'm tired, but I'm not going to let that stop me from going out to dinner with Larry tonight.

Thursday, January 20, 2005


A workman just came in my office and replaced the filter in my heating/ac unit. That's the first time I ever recall seeing that happen ... it didn't even occur to me that there was a filter in there.

So, five years without having a new air filter - you don't think THAT has anything to do with my congestion/respiratory problems, do you?

Wednesday, January 19, 2005


Just checked our numbers and we didn't win the MegaMillions.

But thanks for sharing the love just the same. In case you are wondering, there was one lucky winner of the $130,000,000 jackpot and the ticket was sold in Georgia. There were 23 second prize winners of $175,000 and three of those winners were here in New York (Long Island). Next time I'm in Wantagh I'll get my ticket at Cori's Gift & Stationery Shop or I'll stop by Path Liquors in Coram or the 7-Eleven on Jericho Turnpike in Huntington Station.

Yeah, right.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Bad News, Good News

The bad news is I just checked my numbers, and I didn't win the MegaMillions jackpot on Friday.

The good news is neither did anyone else, so tonight's drawing is $130 million.

Come on, people - show me the love.

Special note to Brian, Amanda, ScooterDeb, John and Barrie - you're already in for $1 million each but if you care to renew your vows of adoration and adulation, there's another million in it for you.

Quote of the Day

Attributed to former mobster John Gotti:

"If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter."

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Better Than I Know Myself

I know that the men in my life get nervous when I tell them that I share everything with my friend Susan. They get even more nervous when they realize that I could very easily just forward their email to her - or to anyone else. I suppose I should think twice before I do it - what if one of them forwarded my messages to others? But I guess that's the risk you take whenever you commit pen to paper, or cursor to screen.

So even though I've tried to keep the private things between me and Michael private, I just had to share this with you. It's both amazing and frightening that he's been observing me this closely:

"It's easy to remember your usual order at Boston Market(1/4 dark w/2 sides-usually green beans&sweet potatoes), or your cat Bandit with a patch of black fur around the eye, or that you don't like ketchup or any red sauce, or that you love seafood but not clams, oysters or mussels or that your mom drives a school bus and your dad was injured working for your uncle. It's important to me to remember these little things because their all part of who you are. I also learned that body language describes what makes up an individual. Like the way your eyes fill up with tears when you talk about you dad. It tells me that there's a deep love for someone that continues to have a strong influence in your life. And what about those Kenna Fearing sighs. Like the ones that say "I didn't think he was ready to here that yet", or the one that says "This is nice , I feel very comfortable right now" or my favorite " I like spending time with you Michael".

Friday, January 14, 2005

The Glow

this is an audio post - click to play

Not So Fast

In an effort to clear off my desk and get ready for a three day weekend (yeah, it's only 9:42 and already I'm thinking ahead to not coming in on Monday), I decided to check the numbers on my Mega Millions lottery ticket. I bought it on Wednesday in a Thruway rest stop, and I just wanted to double check to be sure before throwing it out.

But wait ... hold the presses! The ticket I bought is for tonight's drawing. I'm still in the running to win $111 million. That's right - $111 million.

You know the drill - show me the love.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Fast Car

Just heard that song by Tracy Chapman on the radio. I've always loved the sound of her voice.

I can't even really express what I think/feel when I hear this particular song. You know how some songs are touch stones for you - they evoke memories of certain time or phase in your life? I've just always liked that song ... the mixture of hope and despair all at the same time.


Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove


I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone


You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

How Is That Possible?

So I was on the road today and got home about an hour ago and just turned on the television for some background noise. ET was on, and there was a story about Oprah Winfrey and her weight. They said that she weighs 163 pounds and is a size 10.

How is that possible?

I'm 5'8" and currently weigh about 155 pounds. There is NO WAY I am a size 10. I'm a 12 - and I still have 14s that I occasionally wear. Is Oprah Winfrey that much taller than me? I just can't imagine that she weighs that much and is a size 10.

Unless all the fancy designers she favors label their 12s and 14s as size 10.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005


Search that led you to my blog: "turning 40 sucks"

I resemble the association ...

What Up?

Can you believe I haven't posted in three whole days? And no one sent a search and rescue team to my home? Some kind of friends you turned out to be!

Okay, so Saturday there was a snow storm, but still I braved the weather to be with Michael. I went over to his house and we heated things up - in the kitchen you dirty minded readers! - by making what is now one of my favorite winter recipes, Corn and Cod Chowder. And then we watched a movie ... well, part of a movie ... and since there was a raging snow storm outside, there was no way that I could drive myself home, so I spent the night. Enough said.

Wandered back home on Sunday and had enough energy to go to the gym before wasting the better part of the afternoon just faffing around the house. Still haven't taken my decorations down. Haven't even started.

[possibly more later when I feel more inspired]

Friday, January 07, 2005

The Voice and The Hair

this is an audio post - click to play

The Sunny Side of the Street

Today I spent some time walking on the sunny side of the street.

Literally. Although as soon as I wrote that I suddenly realized that my stroll had figurative meaning as well. After a nasty winter storm yesterday, the sun was out today and temperatures climbed back above freezing. I found my spirits rising with the temperature.

Last night Phil and I hosted a colleague for dinner. Bob used to live and work here in town, but he's been in RaChaCha for the last 20 years. He took a new position with our employer and is moving back to town. He also used to work for the same employer that Phil and I used to work for, and he is divorced, so we have much in common.

Shared my work woes with him, and he gave me some good advice. Better yet, he's going to put me in touch with someone who might be able to help me find a new job. It was all so civilized ... preparing a tray of cheese, crackers and fruit while Phil sliced the vegetables for the stir fry. Opening a bottle of wine and relaxing with it on the sofa. Enjoying dessert after dinner. I felt replete when I retired for the evening.

Managed to accomplish a few things today, none of it really work related. I'll be staying a few minutes late for a conference call ... more on that later.

Michael will be giving me a call this evening to see if he can drop by and then we'll finalize our plans for tomorrow. He totally bounced back and he's in the game! Apparently he's been taking lessons from "Kenna's Guide to Dating" because he is suddenly being very direct and clear about what he wants. Good for him. Doesn't mean he'll get it, but good for him!

Larry was out of town earlier in the week which was why I hadn't heard from him. He said he'd like to "say hello" sometime this weekend but that he already had a commitment for Saturday. Me too! I'll see how I feel on Sunday and maybe give him a call. Or maybe not. Sometimes a little space is good.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Today's Oxymoron

"It sounds like things are looking good for you."

Don't Look Now ...

... but someone got promoted.

Now I Know Why

Now I know why I don't get up and go for a brisk walk in the morning.

Because in the early pre-dawn hours, when the temperature has dropped to just below freezing and there is a very light, fine snow falling, you can't see the ice underneath and when you hit a patch of ice and go skidding - not fun.

Guess I'll just have to use the treadmill in the basement instead.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005


My local radio station is playing "Undercover Angel."
How the hell did that get into the afternoon mix?

Still In The Game

Well, you already knew that I was a little impatient.

Turns out if I'd waited just a few hours longer on Sunday, I would have heard from Michael. We were playing the same game. He was waiting to hear from me and I was waiting to hear from him. He blinked first.

He sent me an email message to which I responded, and then yesterday I got a really great reply that prompted me to pick up the phone and call him. We had a nice chat and we're going to get together this weekend. He said he was free Friday night and Saturday, and I tried to get him to agree to Friday, but I think he would prefer that I come over to his place on Saturday. He may even try to score both evenings - call me at the last minute on Friday saying "since I'm in town" and then still get me over to his lair on Saturday. At least, that's what I would do!

And now it's Larry who is MIA. We had that lovely sleepover on Saturday and he slipped out of the house shortly after dawn on Sunday. I sent him a message late Sunday evening, something that he would have first thing Monday morning since we'd sort of gotta into that groove - he enjoyed checking his email first thing in the morning and seeing a message from me. To date - no response. I'm not going to take it personally - he has a lot of things going on what with preparing for an impending move to Texas.

I've been trying to focus here at work, but I'm not having much luck. There are several different projects sitting here on my desk, but no real urgency to any of them. So there they sit. And here I sit - blogging On Company Time.

It's good to be back.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

"Let The Game Come To You"

That's what Michael told me the other night.

He was the assistant coach of a low-level Division III basketball team for a few years, and he told me that sometimes when the players were trying too hard, he'd tell them "Let the game come to you." (I'm sure FashionHound will appreciate the analogy.)

As I may have mentioned, Michael has been out of circulation for a long time. He was married and even though he's been separated for seven years, he hasn't gone out much. He said he was just looking to get to know and spend some time with someone, and apparently I was his first foray into the dating world. And here I am, looking to set land-speed records in the dating world. So he basically told me to settle down, not be in a rush - let the game come to me.

Well, after sending him a follow-up email Thursday night, and calling to leave a New Year's greeting on his cell phone, I haven't heard "boo" from Michael.

Larry, on the other hand, returned my New Year's call at nearly the stroke of midnight (totally unexpected) and suggested he would touch base with me on New Year's Day. Which he did. I went over to his place after dinner for a few hours, and then he came back over here to spend the night with me.

Game on. Too bad for Michael it's not with him.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Closet Cleansing

Out with the old and in with the new.

With Susan's help, I'm off to an auspicious start. She was brutal as she ripped through my closets.

"Are you kidding me? Look at the pit stains on this."

"I've always hated this dress. There's no shape to it."

"Look at how that's all pilled up - do you still wear that? Please don't tell me you wear that."

She flew through both closets and built four stacks of clothes on the end of my bed. I knew it needed to be done, but I just didn't have the strength to do it. Now I'm ready to take on the new year.

A fresh start. And clean closets.

Happy New Year!

this is an audio post - click to play