Friday, February 16, 2007

Le Interview

I went on a job interview today.

I know, I know ... I've only been at my current job since Memorial Day. And the job before that only lasted 5 months. Believe me, I am not a job hopper. I want to be in a job where I am happy to stay for years on end. And since I don't feel that way about my current position, I'm looking.

It's hard to say how the interview went. It was unlike any interview I have ever been on. Of course, every job and job interview I've had previously was for a company that had 1,200 or fewer employees. This company? A Fortune 100 corporation. A national retail chain with over 250,000 employees. And yet ... the care and consideration that went into this job interview was unbelievable. I was made to feel that this hiring decision was one of the most important decisions that would be made.

I think it went well, but you never know. One thing it did do for me is cause me to give even further thought to what I want to do and where I want to go, professionally. I haven't spent enough time thinking about that, and to be honest, I'm not sure why. It's like I have this mental block. Like I can't come right out and say what I want to do with my life because deep down I don't think I deserve to have what I want. Does that make sense?

I have my own little inferiority complex when it comes to life. But it's like someone who smokes or who is overweight - you know it's not good for you, but for the life of you, you can't seem to change things. I know that I haven't taken responsibility for my own life. Trust me, this is a really hard thing to admit ... I'm crying as I type. I walk around with a chip on my shoulder, always feeling like somehow I got dealt a crappy hand and there is nothing I can do about it. Always wondering why other people, who I know aren't as smart and talented and creative as I am, seem to be having more success (note that most of the time, the correlation here is paycheck) than I am.

Anyway. That's what I'm thinking.

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