Various

1) I Knew It!

New guy started December 18, and since no one else stepped up, I invited him out to lunch on his first day. He asked how long I thought you had to stay in a job before you left. I predicted he wouldn't last six months. He only lasted two weeks (actually, eight days since we had Christmas and the day after as a holiday).

2) I really need a new tagline.

3) Score One For the Little Guy

Last fall I flew Independence Air to Las Vegas for my sister's wedding. I had originally booked the ticket, but then saw there was a big price reduction, so I rebooked and even after paying $25 rebooking fee, saved $95. Then Independence Air filed for bancruptcy. Just got a notice in the mail - there is a chance that I may actually get that $95 credit! I filled out the paperwork; we'll see.

4) Not Bad If I Do Say So Myself

I'm very pleased with myself for moving some money around in one of my retirement funds. It's grown 5% in the last quarter, and that's without any additional contributions. Granted, the market has been hot, but I think that my moving the funds around had something to do with it as well. And I have a meeting with a financial counselor coming up in January to address another account.

Still, I doubt I'll be retiring any time soon.

5) What A Crock!

I asked for, and received, a new crock pot for Christmas. The old one was too small. The new one? It's the difference between a Yugo and a Mercedes. If you have any to-die-for crock pot recipes, send them my way 'cause I'm a working girl and I ain't got time to slave over a hot stove.


File This Under: Various

From My Cousin Lew

I don't forward those email chain letters. But I am going to reprint one here. Merry Christmas to all.

I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid. I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big sister dropped the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even dummies know that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been. I fled to her that day because I knew she would be straight with me.

I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her "world-famous" cinnamon buns. I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so. It had to be true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told her everything. She was ready for me.

"No Santa Claus?" she snorted...."Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for years, and it makes me mad, plain mad!! Now, put on your coat, and let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked.

I hadn't even finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun. "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town that had a little bit of just about everything.

As we walked through its doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was A bundle in those days. "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the car."

Then, she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped for anything all by myself. The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish their Christmas shopping.

For a few moments I just stood there, confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who on earth to buy it for.

I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the kids at school, the people who went to my church. I was just about thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker. He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me in Mrs Pollock's grade-two class.

Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out to recess during the winter. His mother always wrote a note, telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have a cough; he didn't have a good coat.

I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy Bobby Decker a coat! I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood to it. It looked real warm, and he would like that.

"Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied shyly. "It's for Bobby."

The nice lady smiled at me, as I told her about how Bobby really needed a good winter coat. I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag, smiled again, and wished me a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper and ribbons and wrote, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it. A little tag fell out of the coat and Grandma tucked it in her Bible. Grandma said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went that I was now and forever officially, one of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his front walk.

Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered, "get going."

I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw the present down on his step, pounded his door and flew back to the safety of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness for the front door to open. Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.

Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering, beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes.

That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were just what
Grandma said they were ridiculous. Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.
I still have the Bible, with the coat tag tucked inside: $19.95.

May you always have LOVE to share, HEALTH to spare and FRIENDS that care...and may you always believe in the magic of Santa Claus!

Another Communication Has Been Received

A Communication Has Been Received

File This Under: Friends

But I Don't Want To Change!

I see Blogger is trying to force it's "new and improved" version on me.

I don't want it.

I'm comfortable with tweaking code. I don't want you to dumb it down for me because, honestly, I find the "easier to use" template harder to use. They may have forced the new version on me for the new blog I just set up, but I'll be damned if they'll make me use it here.

SpamAlot

In the past 30 days, my gmail account accumulated 2,142 pieces of spam.

What Was I Thinking?

Put on a long skirt this morning and thought, "Hmm ... this is so long I don't need to wear panty hose; I'll just wear knee highs."

Totally forgot about the slit in the back of the skirt, so now when I'm walking down the hall I'm wondering if people can see my knee highs and fleshly knees.

Yeah, I came home to put panty hose on.

Ex Marks The Spot

I bumped into my Ex last night. Or rather, he bumped into me.

I was shopping at BJ's and he came up behind me and said "Well, hello there." I know he was trying to be friendly, and since I hadn't seen him he could have completely avoided me if he'd wanted to. It was the most awkward conversation I've ever had.

We started with the "what's new?" thing and he got a little testy and replied "Come on, I know you know the answer to that." Yes, he sold the marital homestead and bought a new house with his current girlfriend. And he assumed I knew because the guy that bought the house was working with a friend of mine who is a real estate agent. That's not how I knew, but anyway ... the point was that he didn't tell me. And so I didn't tell him when I got a new job. And of course he knew about the new job even though I hadn't told him. We live in a small town, folks.

So it was a struggle to get a conversation going - and then he just didn't seem to know how to let it drop. There would be a pause and he would just look at me, like he was willing me to tell him more. I didn't want to give up anything. My life is my life and I don't need or want to share it with him anymore. I'm sure he walked away from the encounter thinking I was angry and hostile. Maybe I was, but not for the reasons he thought. He just sapped my energy which was already low at that point in the day.

Frankly, I just don't care anymore.

It's Always Something

Thought I'd finally get iTunes up and running. Phil asked me to download a song for him, so I did. Then I realized that I didn't have the iPod to computer cable with me, so I can't upload to the iPod. And I can't download the 4,000+ songs from the iPod to the laptop. And then when I tried to copy the song from the laptop to my flash drive, it says the flash drive is full.

It's always something.

The Bright Side

What a nice, sunny day! Granted, it's only about 40 degrees outside, but the sun is shining and there are just a few fluffy white clouds in the sky. Not like the deluge we had on Friday. It was so strange to have thunder and lightning in December. Two years ago, we had snow.

So it was a busy first week back from vacation. I had something after work almost every night this week. Made the time go by quickly. And now it seems like time is flying by as it always does in December. Never enough time to shop, decorate, do Christmas cards and visit with friends. I did some shopping after work on Friday, and started decorating yesterday. Today, I focus on the photo Christmas card. This year, perhaps one of me and The Man. It's the best shot we have from vacation. He hates having his picture taken, but he agreed that if I were to get photo cards, this is the photo I should use.

I didn't take nearly as many photos on this vacation as I did last year. And now, looking at some of those photos it's clear that I definitely need to start exercising again. Of course, I've been saying that for six months. It's time to stop talking and start doing.

Yada, Yada, Yada

I'm totally shocked by this news.

Not.

Go Ahead ... Make My Day

I was in a pretty good mood, I thought. I was freshly showered and ready to start easing my way back into real life. I went outside, where it was an unseasonably warm 55 degrees or so, and off Trucklet and I went.

First stop, McDonald's at Exit 15. I was just craving a Quarter Pounder with cheese meal. So, I stop and go inside. There is a rather long line (because you know they are serving all the asshats in the drive-thru lane before they wait on you) but I joined the queue and patiently waited my turn.

I finally got to the counter and placed my order and as I was waiting, I heard the gentleman next to me mutter under his breath "Do you think you can go any slower?" I turned and looked at him and he nodded his head toward the extremely overweight teenager that was filling our orders. "Look at how slow she's moving. I'm getting fed up with this place. It hasn't been the same since the new owners took over."

I smiled sympathetically and said "Yes, service isn't what it used to be. I just came back from vacation and I was really disappointed in the service I received."

"I used to come here three times a week," he said, "but now ..." his voice trailed off. The slow moving teenager finally made it back to the counter with his tray and he rushed off to join his wife. I stood there, waiting on my order. I had fries and a drink cup, but the Quarter Pounder was nowhere in sight. I could tell they were simply backed up, so I stepped away from the counter and filled my drink.

I was trying to be patient, thinking that at least I was going to get a fresh burger and not something that had been sitting there for 20 minutes. The counter was virtually clear at this point, but there was a line of people running parallel to the counter, waiting for the next clerk to call them up.

A woman came directly in front of the line, and stood at the counter. I noticed the man behind her give a look, because it appeared that she was cutting the line. She looked at me and I lifted my eyebrows and said (in what I thought was a non-accusatory and non-threatening way) "I think there's a line."

She looked at me again, and said "I just want a fork" and then three beats later "Is that okay with you?"

I don't think I said anything, but then she was at me again, something like what's your problem or what's it to you? I said "You didn't see the look behind you."

"If he's got a problem, he'll say something."

I'm thinking, whoa! Back off, bitch. But by then I've allowed her to zap my serenity and I can't help saying "Have a nice day" as she walks by with her fork. And then it was on. Neither one of us wanted to let the other one have the last word. She snapped something about "have a nice day yourself" to me and I said "you need it" and she came back around and said "what did you say?" and I repeated myself and then said "goodbye" and I can tell she was just waiting for me to turn around but I didn't.

What was that all about? Here I am, just trying to promote good manners in the world by pointing out that there was a line. No, I didn't realize that she was just asking for a fork, and as soon as she said so, I'm sure whatever hostility that may have been in my voice was gone. No, of course I didn't mind if all she needed was a fork. But that was all she had to say, she didn't need to follow it up with "Is that okay with you?"

I continued on my way and slowly but surely I regained my composure. I stopped at the bank, picked up a few things at BJ's and then went to the grocery store. At least I have bread and milk in the fridge once again. On to the next chore - laundry.

Home Sweet Home

It's 1:09 and I still haven't changed out of my pj's. Susan says I am on vacation until 8:00 tomorrow morning, though, so it's okay.

Yes, I'm back! It only took 16 hours to get home yesterday. I should have just taken matters into my own hands before I even left on vacation. I mean, really, there were earlier flights out of Miami. And did we really have to wait 4 hours in Atlanta? No, but those were the reservations we had, and since our luggage was already scheduled to be on another plane, we couldn't change our plans. Don't get me started on the whole Transportation Security Administration thing.

Everything is just as I left it at the old homestead. Which normally would be a good thing, but I was told that there would be some work done on the house while I was gone, and it wasn't, so there's a wasted opportunity. And the new refrigerator still hasn't produced any ice cubes, so I'm going to have to get the appliance store people out here, again.

But, I got away with The Man and we had a good time despite many obstacles, so we'll just leave it at that.

How did you like my guest bloggers? Three cheers for Sally, Scooterdeb, Ed, JP and John. And Sue, too. She tried but ran into some Technorati difficulties.

Having them keep things flowing while I was gone was the good news. Now, here's even better news. Their guest blogging privileges have not expired! I'm leaving the blog open to them so they can visit any time they like. I like to shake things up every now and then. It really was great to have a different perspective here, so feel free to come back any time you want.

And now, I think a shower is in order. And then maybe some food. Anyone have any leftover turkey they want to share?

Half-naked lady reading book.

This should earn "Fear Not" some interesting hits.



(Taken at the Minneapolis Public Library.)

Happy day after

Happy Black Friday.

My husband and I, despite our "we're not going anywhere near those shopping crazies, no oh no" vows, ended up at the local Ames-replacement general-store-place, where we bought an artificial Christmas tree and a footstool shaped like a stuffed bear. The tree was our goal -- we're going to do the whole "we got married and now we celebrate holidays like a real family" thing, starting with Christmas. Thus, tree. The bear, on the other hand, was an expensive and silly impulse buy, but since Drew has spent all evening alternately taunting the cats with it and carrying it around and making it growl at me, while he laughs like a kid, I'd say it was a good impulse.

Considering that we had steak and yams for Thanksgiving dinner (the big production was postponed due to flu), we did at least celebrate half of the Thanksgiving tradition... the shopping half!

Happy Thanksgiving

Here's to a happy Thanksgiving. I hope you get to spend it with someone you love.

One of Kenna's guest bloggers
John Strain

Jokes About Wigs (For Obvious Reasons)

First of all, let me say I've already encountered two problems with this guest blogging gig. The first is this "title" business. Then there's the technorati tag section. And THEN, there's the whole problem of content. Oh, wait... so that would be three. Yes, there are at least three problems I'm having. I think there may be more.

1) Title - If I had titles on my own blog, I think they'd be entirely unrelated to the actual content of the post.
2) Technorati tag - Seriously, WTF? Am I the last person to use these things? I'm not sure I even know how to adjust the HTML, so I'm going to leave it. I hope there's a lot of people searching for "tag".
3) Content - If I had content on my own blog, I think it would be a lot of out-of-context random statements.
Salty) It's a long bike ride.

True Colors

Howdy! This is Ed from Whine & Cheese, your latest pinch-hitter while Kenna is on vacation from Fear Not.

This is only my second ever guest blogger experience. That first time, I blogged about how I got to know that blog and blogger... so I'll just stick with what works! (Or, on second thought, maybe it didn't... since that was my first and last time I did it!)

Anyhow, I've been blogging for over three years. Kenna was one of the my earliest blogroll additions. Truthfully, it's been so long I can't even remember who found who. Since my blog is a heavy dose of pop culture and particularly television, I wouldn't be surprised it it was the reality show Survivor that brought us together.

But, pretty much from the get-go I knew I liked Kenna.

Now, I know this is a bit silly. We have never met in-person, so I don't propose that I know her... any personal blog, mine included, is just one's intentionally or subconsciously version of one's self. But, if you've been blogging as long as we have, the truth eventually oozes out.

I have only met one blogger in person. It has worked out just fine and I am thankful for me now "real world" friend. But, time and again, I have stumbled across a "normal" blogger... perhaps a future real-worlder... only to have my initial impressions shattered merely by just hanging around for a while.

For example, a "shall remain nameless" blogger who has a big circle of real-life friends and is undeniably adored by the blogosphere... but alas can not find love. Well, perhaps future suitors have checked out his blog... incessantly whiny and miserable, closed-minded (though purporting to be just the opposite), and painfully insecure. Heck, I can even play armchair psychologist and realize 87% of his posts are just aimed at getting positive reinforcement via a gaggle of loyal commenters.

This "truth" discovery has happened over and over... I am surprised I have anyone left on my blogroll (at this point, I should add the aforementioned "example" blogger is not on mine)!

But Kenna has bucked the trend... though she may disagree... for me, she been the rare instance of a blogger who has remained pretty darn sane (a least in my book) over the years!

Again, we have never met... but if geography allowed, I could see us meeting up with her for drinks... or even attending one of her parties. I don't know if that'll ever happen, but it's just nice to think that it could... in this often strange 'lil cyber-haystack, it's nice to have stumbled across a friend-worthy needle.

And their stockings were hung by the chimney with care...

I was going to post this at my own blog, but thought, "Hey, wouldn't it be fun to agitate Kenna's readers into early holiday panic?" Because with Thanksgiving creeping up on us, we simply can't be bombarded TOO SOON with Christmas music, lights and other detritus, can we?!

I submitted a brief story and the following picture to my local newspaper after they requested reader "stocking stories." So here it is:

My husband and I married in 1990, combining our meager Christmas decorations. Among those was my standard-issue red felt stocking, my name glitter-glued along the top. But my husband's stocking ... well, it was something else! It was a huge - stretched over time to two-feet long - , knitted stocking with a green, yarn-fringed tree, lots of beads, jingle bells, trinkets and faded foam pieces sewed onto it. It was frayed with yarn pieces sticking out everywhere. Beads and trinkets had fallen off over the years and it was horribly stained. Compared to the generic red stockings my family had used, my husband's stocking was just so huge and overwhelmingly gaudy. And filthy! I wanted to chuck it.

But my husband's maternal grandmother, Grandma Doris, had knit the stocking for him when he was a baby. He'd had it all his life. I reluctantly accepted the fact we'd be hanging that stretched-out knit monstrosity every Christmas. As our first Christmas together neared, I received a package from Grandma Doris. In it was another stocking knit in sparkling white and crisp, brilliant colors with clean, bright beads and trinkets sewed onto it. My name was knit into the green band at the top. I'd never had a stocking like this before. Suddenly it didn't seem so gaudy at all. It was so special, handmade with me in mind by someone who welcomed me to her family.

Many years passed before we started our own family. By the time our daughter was born, Grandma Doris's mind faltered as she'd developed Alzheimer's. Sadly, she was unable to knit a stocking for our daughter.

Last year my mother-in-law gave me all of Grandma Doris's stocking patterns, instructions and the graphed designs she'd created for all the stockings she'd knitted over the years. Included with these was the list of friends and family who had received her hand-knit stockings. There were 78 people! No two stockings were alike.

Grandma Doris is no longer with us but her stockings live on in dozens of households. I feel very lucky to have the original knitting patterns.

(The following photo shows my husband's old stocking, my stocking, the knitting patterns, instructions, graphs and the list of stocking recipients.)

(Can you find the stocking labeled "Dick?")

Coming Attractions

I'm going away for a while.

Just a quick vacation with The Man. But I won't have internet access and I won't be able to post. But Fear Not, my friends. I've lined up an all-star group of fellow bloggers to guest post while I'm gone. I'll let them introduce themselves when they stop by. They have no rules, no regulations - they are going to post whatever they please, whenever they please.

I can't wait to read it when I get back!