I have a bad case of the couldashouldawoulda's.
There are so many things I could be doing. Things I should be doing. Things I would be doing if only I were motivated.
I can't even loaf properly.
I need to do laundry. I should be weeding the garden. I should be writing some overdue thank you notes. I could go to the gym and get in a proper workout. I'd like to copy more of my CD's into my laptop so I can upload to my iPod. I want to upload some flickr photos and update my birthday blog. I was up late last night and I got very little sleep - I really should get some rest.
But there is no rest for the weary. For some reason I'm unable to push all this aside and escape into blissful sleep. Too many thoughts. Too much clutter and confusion. I could be doing some work for the fund raiser I agreed to chair. Or the other fund raiser that I agreed to help with - especially since I have an 8:00 a.m. committee meeting tomorrow. But I can't justify spending the mental energy on that now. Am I already asleep? Is that why this post is coming out all garbled?
Why am I suddenly unable to prioritize? I feel so inadequate. I am unemployed and I have all the time in the world. So why can't I get anything done? Okay, this is just the way it is at this moment. There. I got that off my chest.
But I really hate this feeling, and I hate the way it has come out on my keyboard.
Don't be surprised if this post disappears.