Thursday, September 23, 2004

Sometimes You Just Need A Good Cry

It's been building all afternoon. I'm not sure why. But it just spilled over.

I needed to cry. I've just had it with everything. My job. My personal life (or lack thereof). The distance between me and my family. I'm blubbering like an idiot, like a pre-pubescent teen right now. It's giving me a headache.

I don't know where I'm headed and that scares me. I mean, come on, the only thing I have to look forward to is this freakin' party next weekend. How lame is that? Maybe it's the alcohol. I finished off the last of the cosmo martinis earlier tonight.

I was at the gym earlier tonight and I just wanted to stay on the machine and go and go until I couldn't go any more but I didn't even have the energy for that. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, where I'm going. I almost dropped in on the Ex earlier tonight. I just needed a shoulder to cry on - but I didn't. I knew that the comfort I needed wouldn't be found there.

I've got to pull it up from somewhere deep inside. I know that I have good friends who I can lean on, but I still need to muster the strength from within. Okay, I'm starting to feel better now. I really need to stop drinking during the week - the Cosmos make me crazy. Good to know before the party next week.

Where is that goddamn fairy godmother when you need her?

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