Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Out of Sorts

I'm feeling very out of sorts and I don't know why. I've got several overdue items on my desk and it's gnawing at me. That's probably part of it. That and the fact that I haven't gotten laid in over a month ... guess I'd better get used to that since I broke things off with John. He said he was willing to continue to supply me with all the great sex I wanted, but it just didn't seem fair to him. He was so much more invested in the relationship than I was, and every time we were together it gave him false hope.

There is this crazy part of my ego that can't believe that he could just walk away from me like that. If he cared about and loved me the way he said he did, how could he give up so easily? I have not heard from him in a month - no cards, no letters, no phone calls, nothing on Valentine's Day. I doubt that he has even done a drive-by (something I'm famous for - let's just drive by and see whose car is in the driveway). And yet, isn't this what I wanted?

The Ex is bothering me too. No word from him in like, six months. He took a new job (which I know because unbeknownst to him I still read his email) and didn't even tell me about it. Not that he owes me anything but I thought he meant it when we said we wanted to still be friends. Don't you tell your friends about important things like a new job? I'm half tempted to call him at his new job just to say hello. No, not really.

It's a completely vicious circle - I haven't contacted John or the Ex because they haven't contacted me. Maybe they are sitting at home saying, hey, she hasn't called me so why should I call her? Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

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