Thanks to the wisdom of John Strain, spending the evening with friends, and not falling asleep on the arms of steel couch.
The last couple of nights I had spent locked up in what was beginning to feel like my dungeon, the attic apartment. The air is hot and close and even though I'm able to cool the bedroom enough to sleep, it just felt like the walls were closing in on me. Last night I spent very little time up there save for sleeping, and I feel like a new person.
And I like John's comment about not thinking of my decisions as final. I've never been a job hopper - I was with my first employer for 12 years and I'm closing in on five years here (which is part of the reason they are showing me the door, but that's a whole complicated union/bargaining thing that I'm not even sure I understand - or want to). In the old days, folks were told that they shouldn't move around too much. I'm starting to wonder if the 'rules' have changed. The Ex did that recently - took a job that he wasn't crazy about just to get out of an organization that was going under. And less than a year later, he took another job, one which seems to be a MUCH better fit for him.
If I'm honest with myself, I took this job to escape some unpleasant colleagues at the former employer. I was never really crazy in love with this job - so why am I still here? This really is the time for me to try to spread my wings. Try something new. And if I don't like it, move on. So there.