Oh, Please!

Snippet found in 'What's New' section of Netscape Network but I'm reproducing the whole thing here:

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Heartbreaking News for Ashley Olsen
Ashley Olsen--she of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen fame in case you don't recognize her name without her twin's attached to it--has broken up with her longtime boyfriend, 20-year-old Columbia University quarterback Matt Kaplan, a representative for the Olsens tells PEOPLE.com.

Oops! Look at the expression on the twins' faces when the wind catches their skirts.

Although she's only 17, Ashley has been dating Kaplan for three years. And although she's only 17, she has a spokesperson, Michael Pagnotta, who issues reports to the media about the breakup of a teenage love affair. The separation was "amicable." They "parted on good terms." They "wish each other the best." What teenage couple breaks up like that? Where's the angst and tears?

Advice to teen girls: Why you should ditch the boyfriend. Check out this startling new research.

We're relieved to hear from Pagnotta that no third party was involved. It seems it was just too hard to maintain a long-distance relationship. She is in Los Angeles, and he's in New York City. But good news for Ashley's twin, Mary-Kate. She recently began dating David Katzenberg, 21, a Boston University student and the son of DreamWorks studio co-founder Jeffrey Katzenberg. "Mary-Kate and David are said to be carrying on just fine," reports PEOPLE.com. Whew! The twins will enter New York University in the fall.

Watch the trailer to the Olsens' new movie, "New York Minute."
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This is so not news. And it doesn't even come close to journalism. Well, yellow journalism, maybe. So Ashley Olsen broke up with her boyfriend. Big whoop. The headline is so over the top. When I hear "heartbreaking news" I think - "oh my god, Mary Kate is sick" or "uh-oh, NYU messed up and Ashley is not going to be allowed to enroll." That's heartbreaking news. Not her first break-up.

And maybe I'm getting old, but what was she doing going out with a 17 year old when she was only 14? She's too young to have a serious boyfriend. And Mary Kate now dating a 21 year old? She's still jail-bait! But I suppose kids grow up faster in Hollywood.

Don't get me wrong - I actually like Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. I think their family and managers did a hell of a job making them into their own cottage industry. Who cares if they ever put out a serious movie - they are freakin' multi-millionaires who actually seem to have good heads on their shoulders.

But having your love life in the headlines - I guess that's the price you pay for fame and fortune.