Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Think Of It As An Opportunity

Sage advice from the unemployed boy next door. But I'll take it. And I must have been a little stunned because if I hadn't been I would have announced my in-limbo job status with the glorious title of: You're Fired!

Yes, I will view this as an opportunity. Onward and upward. Bigger and better. All that good crap. Well, I'm cold and tired and I still have to pack for a trip tomorrow, so time to log off and catch some zzzzzzzzzzzz. Later.

I Must Be Psychic

Why else would I start putting my resume up on and start trolling the employment boards at well-known institutions? Somehow I subconsciously knew that I wasn't long for here. My boss just had a difficult conversation with me. There is this ridiculous (but in some ways fortunate) employment system here. Call it tenure for professional/administrative staff.

I'm not getting it.

Once you've been employed in this place for five years you are then eligible for "permanency." Basically that means that unless you are grossly incompetent, they can't fire your ass. So it's a big deal when it comes time to make the decision - will we or won't we offer this person permanency? The stakes and expectations are higher these days, and it doesn't look like - correction, I am not - going to make the cut.

I was hired to do one job and I did it so well that they 'promoted' me into my current position where I've been for the past year. I'm at the point where I'm making enough money that they feel they have to justify my existence with results. Unlike my boss and my boss's boss who have permanency and who therefore cannot be fired, I am to be held accountable.

The fortunate part about this fucked up employment system is that according to the union contract (see, the union is good for something) they have to give me a full year's notice that they are not going to renew my contract. And because they like me, they really do like me, they are giving me until June 30, 2005.

So I'm not officially fired, but come next June I won't be working here any more.

Wow. Deep breath. My heart is pounding. I'm trying to keep working here, but my mind is going a million miles a minute. I don't know what's worse - being given 15 months or 15 days. Because this really is hard. I mean, if I know that my contract won't be renewed, then I might as well leave sooner rather than later. It forces me to really start thinking. If I'd just been given two weeks notice, then that's it. Two weeks, I'm unemployed and go from there. With this much notice, I have time to think, choices to make. Sometimes it's hard having choices because then you are paralyzed. "Should I take this job? What if something better comes along?"

Another deep breath. I'm handling this really well. Guess it was a good thing I saw my HR buddy in the parking lot on the way back from lunch. He gave me a heads up so I wasn't surprised when less than an hour later my boss said "We need to talk." I had a stiff upper lip going in and I did not cry. Much. One tear escaped. And I couldn't speak other than to say "This isn't a conversation I can have right now." My boss had the weekend to think things over (apparently this conversation began last week) and I plan on taking the weekend to thing things through myself.

What am I going to tell my friends and my family? Am I going to tell them anything at all? I'll tell a few of my closest friends, but I'm not going to tell my family anything just yet. I don't want them to worry. In fact, I may not ever tell them. I'll just go out and find the job of my dreams and then share the good news with them.

But it's unsettling, nonetheless. And now I'm just rambling.

Missing Phil

It's lunchtime, and I'm missing Phil. Granted, we had a little "tiff" last week so I'm not altogether surprised. Plus we both have jobs and busy lives - I should never expect or take for granted that I'm always in the forefront of his mind when the noon hour rolls around. And I know I could call him, but I'm not going to.

I'm sure it doesn't seem that way with all the posts I've planted today, but I'm actually getting a lot done. Drafting comments/remarks for someone else. Writing. Using my brain. The jumping back and forth has actually helped me clarify and focus - when I hit a block, I blog. And then I go back and write some more. Same thing. Just different.

Now, what to do for lunch.....

Now I've Heard It All

A nearby community college is going to be using methane from the local landfill to generate power for the campus. They hope to completely take themselves off the power grid and just use the gas generated by the landfill for all their energy needs. If it works, that is the ultimate. Glad to hear that landfills can actually be useful.

What Not To Wear

Spotted on one of the 'executive' secretaries this morning (what I wouldn't give for a photo):

Bright blue floral spring print dress; rather tight thru the bust
White stockings and strappy white closed toed sandles

That's so wrong!

Target = New

Yeah, I need that. Was automatic with BlogRolling but since I'm cheap and don't pay for anything if I don't have to, I can only use that service in one of my categories and it makes sense to use it in the one that changes the most. Will need to tweak my code ...

On another note, my humidifier died. Not quite as tragic as the death of Deb's disposal, but sad nonetheless. Wish it had happened a few weeks ago when units were still on store shelves. I might find one deeply discounted somewhere, but if not then I'll have to wait until fall to get a replacement.

The Morning Line

BP: 145/105

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

What Happened To My Link?

I hesitated to do it, but I categorized my links. There are those that I read daily, some that I check occasionally, and others that, for lack of a better phrase, I'm just trying on for size. Maybe I'll like them; maybe I won't. I still think it's fascinating to see who chooses to link to what. And just because I like your blog doesn't necessarily mean I like the blogs you like. But there are no rules and just because someone links to you doesn't mean that you are required to link to them.

It's my blog and I'll link to yours if I want to...or if you pay me to do it. Belle de Jour isn't the only one who can be yours for a price.

God? My Brilliance Is Now Becoming A Bit Of A Burden

And I don't even watch "Scrubs" - it's just noise in the background while I blog. But I do dig the theme music.

Spinning Endlessly On The Hamster Wheel of Dating

Love it when I snag a pithy quote from television. What are the writers at "Frasier" going to do when the odyssey ends?

Sudden Insight

I know what's missing. Interaction. Brain-storming. Teamwork. There's none of that here. We are a division of about 10 people and we don't friggin' talk to each other. I just had a 10 minute conversation with a colleague, and suddenly little neutrons were firing in my brain. We were cooking - sharing an idea, commiserating, connecting. That happens so rarely around here.

I know part of it is my fault - I tend to sit here at my desk, facing out but behind the computer screen. I don't venture out there very often. Maybe because there have been times when my ideas were shot down or because I got the subtle but strong vibe that said "that's not the way things are done here." But spend a few minutes with me, charge me up and the ideas will roll. Doesn't matter if you don't like them or not - I'm not so cocky that I think I am the end all and be all, but at least have an open mind. Be willing to take a risk - let me run with something (scissors? couldn't resist that) and see how far I can go.

Besides (from which I have absolutely no expectations - all I'm getting is come-ons from sales reps for organizations which are not named) my resume is now posted on the web site of two major universities and the national organization which oversees my profession. I fully intend on going to the local career fair in mid-April and I will send my resume to two local women who are highly placed within their local companies.

I don't even know if I want to change jobs, but to borrow the title of a pretty good movie, something's gotta give.

The Morning Line

BP: 150/110

Monday, March 29, 2004

I Do Hereby Resolve ...

... to take a day off and go to an upcoming career fair. I did it once before and even though it didn't lead to anything, within six months I changed jobs within the same company and was much happier. Just thinking it through and taking a positive step will help. And the boy next door was talking to a friend of his who is the manager of HR for east coast operations of a large chain restaurant and she'd be willing to help me clarify my goals. Yeah, I'm going to take the day off and just do it.

On another note, Jessica Simpson did a cover of "Take My Breath Away" and it's just god-awful. Sounds like something you'd hear on American Idol. Bad. Tacky. In poor taste. Yuck. Then again, why am I surprised?


I'm trying to regulate/modulate myself, and despite the fact that this post will belie that notion, I'm doing pretty well. I've actually checked three things off my "to-do" list today and I'm reasonably confident that I'll get to everything before the day is done. I might even add a few more things. I really should have been a factory worker. I'm so task oriented - give me something to do and a time frame to do it in and I'm happy as a pig in shit. Give me nebulous goals and no specific deadlines, and I'll still be working on it in the next millenium.

Yes, I'm doing pretty well today if I do say so myself - haven't hacked the Ex's email and haven't even had to fight the urge. I got better ways to waste my time! Okay, self-congratulatory break time over. I hereby pledge not to post until after 4:00. After all, I gotta wean myself gradually. Going cold turkey would just be - what's the word for inflicting self-torture? That's what it would be.

The Morning Line

BP: 140/110

Sunday, March 28, 2004

"You Are Fired You Minute Hoarding Clock Watcher"

For those of you who missed the first post, here's a link.

Still feeling a bit out of sorts and unsettled, but dealing with it quite nicely. I decided to do away with the bad habit of hacking the Ex's email. I wasn't finding much of interest and it's just not healthy. So what if he hasn't bothered to read the e-card I sent? So what if he's gone on with his life? (Or has he? From what I can tell, he's just repeating the life he led with me. First the trip to DisneyWorld, the getaway weekend to Montreal, and now a trip to see the aunt and uncle in Maryland ... he's just repeating the life we had. Ew.) What matters is what I do with mine.

So yesterday after the dreaded bridal shower I went to the gym and worked up a sweat. Same thing this morning. Followed that with an hour and a half of yard work - trimming shrubs and raking some leaves. Dropped the size 8 formal gowns at the consignment shop. Did a load of laundry. Got about a third of the way through that six inch stack of paperwork that needs to be filed (mostly in the circular file). Posted my resume on Not sure what I'm going to do with it, but who knows what might come my way.

I think it's time for me to find that 'second career.' The thing that I LOVE and that is fulfilling even if the paycheck isn't as good. I'm single and unattached - if there was ever a time for me to take a risk, it's now. Will keep you posted.

The Morning Line

BP: 132/104

Saturday, March 27, 2004


Went to the gym last night; was going to go this morning but it's cloudy and grey and I just didn't feel like it. Maybe after the dreaded bridal shower this afternoon.

Just downloaded Firefox - if both Frilly Panties and matt.fotter like it, I'll give it a shot. Next up? Maybe switching over to TypePad.

If I didn't know better, I'd think I had PMS all last week. Was pretty crabby and moody and tempermental.

I might be spending too much time online.

Got a work issued cell phone yesterday. Got my first wrong number/hang up before I could even activate the damn service. It has the most annoying (and loud!) ring tones. Best part about it is the wicked cool tip calculator.

The phone rang this morning, but of course it wasn't for me.

Funny - I politely asked for no comments on one post, and suddenly, no comments whatsoever! Part of me is sad (looking for props/reassurance even when I know I'm being bad) and part of me feels just a wee bit more free - I can say what I want without worrying that I'll offend someone. And really, the whole point should be moot anyway - uh, I'm using a pseudonym and this is supposedly anonymous. But how anonymous can you be, really? What about that whole six degrees thing? Supposedly I'm only two three degrees away - I know Phil, Phil when to high school with Billy Baldwin, Billy Baldwin was in a movie with Kevin Bacon.

I just hid my profile. As part of Thursday's pep talk, Phil told me I was in a rut and I just needed to find someone. I laughed and told him I'd already been on for two years and he started outlining what he thought I should be saying in my profile. Don't really want him to see/find it, so it's gone for now.

No worries re: Mike - I sent him a message telling him to ignore the earlier message and he said "forggetaboudit."

The Morning Line

BP: 130/100 (or thereabouts)

Friday, March 26, 2004

Two More Hours

Ugh. I've got two more hours here at work. Imagine what I could accomplish if I actually buckled down and did some work.

What Up With That?

I tend to tune into FX on the weekends, and they've got this little self-promoting thing where they play a jingle and run a strip across the bottom of the screen reminding you of what's coming up next, subliminally begging you not to change the channel. I was aware of it, but not swayed by it.

Now I see that NBC is doing the same thing during the Today show, and quite frankly, I find it annoying. I watch the Today show and the Today show only. They don't need to worry about me changing the channel. But I only watch/listen between 7:00 - 8:30, after that, sorry folks - but I've got to go to work. I don't want to know what or who is coming up next if I won't be there to see it! Plus - they promo something that's not really coming up next - it's in the next 45 minutes to an hour away.

Guess I just have to remember that I'm in control of the remote, and it includes a button that will actually turn the television off. Maybe then I'll be able to read beyond the first three chapters of the book that's been on my nightstand for a month now.

The Morning Line

BP: 132/105

Thursday, March 25, 2004


So I got a pep talk, but not from Mike. From Phil.

After lunch we shared a ride back to the office, and as usual I made an innocent comment which Phil found a way to turn into sexual innuendo. And I lost it. I was just annoyed and pissed and I blew up at him in the parking lot. He was taken a bit aback, and I just left it at that. I couldn't even speak. So I sent him an email message:

"Sorry for the outburst -- my patience is stretched a little thin lately. Here's the thing -- knowing that you're not attracted to me in "that way" (and believe me, I do know that) can sometimes make it difficult for me to participate in reparte filled with sexual innuendo. And today was one of those days. Beyond that, I've tried to be open and honest with you in every way and it's frustrating when I feel like you're not taking me seriously or when you make light of my feelings. I treasure and value your friendship - I'd just like to know that those feelings are reciprocated."

And later, a much subdued Phil found me in the bar and bought me a drink. And we talked. Really talked. He acknowledged my feelings (really, that's all I wanted!) and I could tell that he was truly upset to think that he had hurt my feelings. He's going through a lot in his marriage and there are so many things on his mind - some things that he could share with me and other things that he can't talk about. And I understand that. I've respected his privacy in these regards, and he acknowledged that and thanked me for that. And since he was actually listening to me, I told him about some of the things that have been bothering me.

I wish it could be like this all the time, but I know it won't be. We lead separate lives and I'm never going to get any closer than I was today. Eventually one of us is going to move on, without the other. But I'm not going to worry about that now. I'll deal with it when the time comes. Right now I've got to figure out what to do about that stupid message I sent to Mike.

Pep Talk Needed

Email to Mike:

I know this isn't fair, but I'm going to do it anyway. I'm actually heading out of the office momentarily and probably won't see your reply until much later, but believe me, it will help nonetheless.

I just need a little pep talk here - can you repeat some of the things you said to me when we were alone together a few weeks ago? 'Cause I just sorta got shot down by Phil and it sure would help to hear that someone out there thinks I have something, anything to offer ...


So the conversation that I didn't think I'd ever have with Phil occurred - sort of. He mentioned that the songs I sent were "pretty explicit" and he wanted to be sure we understood each other. Phil, I think I understand better than you know.

There is no chance of our being together in that way. He likes to tease me and flirt with me (bat me around like a kitten with a ball of yarn) but he doesn't have feelings for me the way I have feelings for him. I guess I knew that. I just wish it were different.

The Morning Line

BP: 135/108

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Conflict - Resolution

I love it when someone else can articulate what's on my mind. This time it's John Strain. I felt a bit awkward about some of my posts earlier today - I wanted to bare my soul but at the same time I didn't want you to know about some things about which I am not proud. But I put it out there. And you were gentle with me. And even if you hadn't been, so what? I don't need you to validate me. I need to validate me. It's not easy. It's a constant struggle. But I think I'm up to the task.

Are you trying to tell me something??

Just when I thought I would never get through to him, Phil responds to the new songs and asks if I'm trying to tell him something. Since this is a conversation that obviously can't be had over email, but which will also never be had in person, I responded the only way I knew how - by letting him choose his own answer from the following:

a - What was your first clue?
b - Who, me?
c - What, a girl can't share a new artist without being accused of trying to send a message?
d - None of the above
f - All of the above

Says Phil "I'll go with 'E'..."

Damn. I knew I should have stopped at "d"

Shit - I just realized. I uncharacteristically had a typo - what you see above is what I sent. I skipped over "e" and went from "d" to "f" - that fucker is still avoiding the issue. Why do I keep pursuing emotionally unavailable men?


How can they be so dense? I just shared several songs with Phil:

"Hey Love"

"I've Fallen In Love With You"

"Fell In Love With A Boy"

How can he not know that I'm in love with him?

[Rhetorical question; no comments please.]

"My, What Broad Shoulders You Have"

So said B after unbeknownst to me he sat behind me during the opening plenary session of the conference. I didn't know he was there and I was doing a lot of neck stretches. I'll bet he got off on watching my slim neck atop these broad shoulders...geezer.

Almost Busted

So it looks like I need to be A LOT more careful about reading the Ex's email. Not sure how he was accessing it in the past and I was just going in via the web-based browser and reading to my heart's content. Yesterday I logged in and noticed a different icon - he replied to a message. Looks like he's now using the web-based browser, and I see what he sees - which means he sees what I see, so now I can't read a message unless he's read it first.

And guess what? He still hasn't bothered to even open the e-card I sent for his birthday on March 8. I could tell this a.m. that he went in and read a bunch of things that I had left alone, replied to another old message and still he has not opened the e-card.

And I know I shouldn't care but it does bother me. I don't care how bad a break-up was (and honestly, ours really wasn't that bad), you don't just ignore a message from an old flame. Especially not one you spent 15 years of your life with. I mean, when I heard my college ex's father had passed away, I took the time to send him a brief note. And I haven't seen or heard from him in over 15 years. You don't just write people off. And that's what pisses me off. He did. He's just pretending like I never existed and it makes me ANGRY to think that I wasted what may very well have been the best years of my life.

I'm not sure who I'm most upset with - me or him. But I'm upset dammit. And yet, now I feel just a tiny bit better for having gotten this off my chest. I can and I will move on. Onward and upward. Bigger and better. Add your own cliche here.

The Morning Line

BP: 142/110

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

The Government Is Watching Me

Should I be worried?

Nah, they're using Netscape 3.01 browser - probably couldn't even load the page.

This taken from SiteMeter stats:

Visit Detail @ 3/23/2004 2:31:12 PM

Domain Name ? (United States Government)
IP Address 12.40.163.# (AT&T Bell Laboratories)
Language Setting English
Operating System Unknown Unknown
Browser Netscape 3.01
Mozilla/3.01 (compatible;)
Time of Visit Mar 23 2004 2:31:12 pm
Last Page View Mar 23 2004 2:31:12 pm
Visit Length 0 seconds
Page Views 1

I Love Frilly Panties

(Can't wait to see how many hits I get based on the title of this entry!)

She made me the coolest little header .gif and even offered to help me alter my template. The great thing about the web is you can copy and steal just about anything, so I scored the code from (who else?) Frilly Panties, uploaded my .gif and I am good to go.

Dinner went well - it's amazing how sweet onions can be when you cook the hell out of them, simmer them in wine and melt some brie on top. Everything was delightful except I forgot to garnish dessert with the raspberries. And I couldn't find fresh mint. But other than that, scrumptious.

Crying My Eyes Out

You should have seen me slicing those onions last night. I had a red onion for the spinach salad and a sweet onion for the chicken stuffed with carmelized onions and brie. No real problems with the red onion - just sliced some thin rings. And I didn't think the sweet onion would be a problem, but I must have gotten one good squirt because my eyes were really watering. And one eye is all puffy this morning - you know, like I'd had a good long crying jag. I'm glad I started last night because I was working pretty steadily for almost three hours!

And then I realized that if I'm home cooking this dinner tonight, I can't go to they gym after work. So it was up at 5:30 a.m. (!) and off to the gym. I had such a good workout on Sat and then when I ultimately didn't make it to the gym on Sunday I felt that I needed to get a workout in today in order to maintain my momentum.

And for those of you who are salivating, here's tonight's dinner menu:

- spinach salad with mandarin oranges and almonds with a red wine vinaigrette
- chicken stuffed with carmelized onions and brie
- roasted green beans
- homemade banana pecan bread

and the piece de resistance:

cream puffs with sorbet floating in a pool of Irish Cream Chocolate Sauce

Will let you know how it turns out.

P.S. Decided that the onions would keep nicely on the back porch instead of the fridge. Good thing - they are pungent!

The Morning Line

BP: 145/105

Monday, March 22, 2004

Say What?

Quotes from local developers in reference to the issue of affordable housing:

"Affordable housing doesn't exist in ... so it's a dead issue as far as I'm concerned."

Affordable housing "is a concept that doesn't fit into [my] company's marketing plan."

Yeah, if it's not in the marketing plan then it's not a priority.

Tonight's To-Do List

Kenna darling - if you find yourself trolling around for fresh blogs/comments and you don't have the following things done for tomorrow night's dinner, log off and get to work!

1) prep the bean dish - clean and cut the beans; brush with olive oil
2) clean the spinach
3) chop the onions; be sure to store in airtight bag away from the pastry puffs you made yesterday!
4) cut up the brie
5) chop the pecans

Once you have accomplished this, then, and only then, you can blog away to your heart's content.


I am having an excellent hair day, and Phil is out of town. So chances of having lunch with him and telling him about the incredible sex dream I had last night (in which he played a starring role) are nill. Heavy sigh.

The Morning Line

BP: 150/105

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Christmas Music

Why is it that everytime I fire up my music downloading software, someone tries to download "Do You Hear What I Hear" by Whitney Houston (from one of the "A Very Special Christmas" albums)? And every damn time, the connection is broken before the song can finish downloading. I'm sure it's an auto-retry thing, but honestly, if you've tried and tried and tried and still the damn thing won't download, wouldn't you just kill the request?

I also get a kick out of it when a song I've just downloaded is then downloaded from me. It's actually something of a pain because I like to get in, get what I want and get out. But since others have been kind enough to let me steal from them, I sort of feel an obligation to let the downloads finish. Luckily there is a nice feature that lets me say, let the current downloads finish and then exit - it cuts off future connections and when the current downloads are finished, the program exits. I love it when things work the way they should/ought to.

So the blind date was awright. Just awright. Nice enough guy, but I didn't feel any sparks. Part of me thinks he felt it too, but he wants to get together again sometime. I didn't say no, but I just don't see anything developing. I know it sounds like I'm being too quick to judge, but sometimes you just know, don't you?

Blind Date

Yup, I got me one in about an hour and a half. A very nice gentleman I've been corresponding with for the last few weeks. I'm a bit nervous - mostly afraid that he'll really like me and want to see me again. I'd like to have a gentleman friend, but on my terms. No, it's not as harsh as it sounds. It's just that I'm getting accustomed to being on my own, living by myself, not being responsible for any one else's happiness. Good grief, I can barely manage my own. Actually, this is something that we've touched on in our correspondence - we're both a little settled in our ways.

The good news is he lives about an hour and a half north of here, so there won't be any last minute phone calls or unexpected drop by visits. If we do decide to see each other it will have to be an effort on both our parts. I think it's going to be an enjoyable evening - only downside? Tomorrow is Monday and I have to go to work. I really need a vacation.

The Morning Line

BP: 160/110

So much for the great work-out session yesterday. Woke up at 3:00 a.m. with a BLINDING migraine headache. Took a handful (okay, four) of ibuprofen and back to bed. Intended on going to the gym this morning, but I am worn out. Better to just rest, I think.

(20 minutes and 2 more ibuprofen later): Dammit, FX lied to me. They are supposed to have a third repeat episode of "Beverly Hills 90210" on and instead it's "Married, With Children." What's the use lying around being lazy if I can't do it with the 90210 gang in the background? I'm tempted to go to the gym ...

Saturday, March 20, 2004

It Was A Dark and Dreary ...

... day. Didn't start out so bad. Well, yeah, it did. Woke up with a headache so the first thing I consumed was a handful (okay, three) of ibuprofen. Crawled back into bed and closed my eyes for 45 minutes until the pain went away. And since I was still awake, I decided to just haul my ass to the gym. Was there by 7:30 and emerged two hours (!) later, sweaty, stinky and feeling great. Washed (okay, rinsed off) the trucklet and came home. Showered and got dressed and off to run my errands.

Kohl's was having a great sale and I didn't buy enough when I was there last night so I went back and shopped some more today. They had these great oversized down filled throw blankets - original price $39.99. I paid $5.92. Bought four total - two are for a bridal shower I have to go to (you know - the one who is about to be married in my office). She's going to think I am so generous. Really, the only reason I'm now going to the shower is I found these great gifts cheap. I'll probably spend more on something to wrap/carry the damn things in than I spent on the actual gift.

It was beginning to rain as I left the shopping district and I was hungry but rather than eat some awful fast food and ruin my great workout buzz, I came home and had some of that crab salad. And then I snoozed on the sofa covered by my new oversized down throw blanket. Life is good.

The Morning Line

BP: 150/110 (but note this was after an hour and half at the gym; forgot to take it before I went)

Friday, March 19, 2004

Project Management Fundamentals! Register Now!!!

I hate it when people shout in their email subject lines.

Someone Stop Me!

I keep diving into that open bag of Rolos. I buy a bag every now and then to replenish the little boy's* supply and since his candy jar doesn't hold the entire bag, it find its way into my desk drawer. And as long as that open bag of candy is within reach, I just keep diving in.

*the little boy is the (only) young man in my office; he's younger than me, hence not as experienced - therefore, not yet a man - thus, he shall forever after simply be referred to as the little boy. Not to be confused with the boy next door who is, by the way, back from Florida and totally [pardon the pun] digging the snow.

The Morning Line

BP: 145/105

Thursday, March 18, 2004

Better Than TV

Wow - I finally found something that interests me more than watching television. "Will and Grace" is on and I'm not even watching it. Even worse - I'm not taping it because I took the tape out of the VCR earlier to watch last week's episode. And I don't care. Of course, if Survivor were on as it normally is during this time, my ass would be glued in front of the boob tube.

UPDATE: Okay, so everything is repeats and/or highlight clips. Guess my revelation wasn't that earth shattering after all. I mean, The Apprentice is interesting, but only the first time around. Hey, check out my new subtitle -- On Company Time. Since most of my posts are done from work, I think it appropos. Might just have to put it in my Best Name Hall of Fame.

Taking A Trip Down Memory Lane

As I continue on my quest to declutter my life, I emptied out a portable file box. In it were my wall calendars since 1989. What a trip - notes about meetings, movies, vacations, when to plant, reminders to clean out behind the refrigerator, occasional notes about my weight, birthdays and occasional death. In case you haven't guessed, I am not throwing away these artifacts. But I did throw away the box my digital camera came in and at least one spare but empty shoe box. Also, several pounds of old paperwork and file folders. I'm getting there.

Holiday Stamps

I'm still trying to use up my supply of holiday stamps. At least they are somewhat abstract renderings and colorful to boot - I can coordinate the stamp with the envelope color.

The Morning Line

BP: 150/110

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

The Luck of the Irish

I try not to buy into or perpetuate stereotypes, but when you hear something like this ...

There is a local Irish pub/restaurant, and the owner is something of a celebrity. He has been very active in the community and has raised money for charity. For the past 14 years, his establishment is without doubt the place to be if you want to celebrate St. Patrick's Day in style. It starts in the morning with mass (!) and continues throughout the day with music, food and drink. But this year our hero is not in attendance as he's been in the hospital with various ailments, remnants of a mishap eight years ago from which he has never fully recovered. What happened, you ask?

He fell off a bar stool.

I kid you not. True story.

The Morning Line

BP: 150/110

Tuesday, March 16, 2004


Had a post, went to preview and poof! it was gone. Hate it when my session times out.

How Can It Be Wrong When It Feels So Right?

Just spent some quality time with Phil. Just when I think my lust has subsided, we spend an hour or two together and I'm back to thinking "he's the one."

It's so comfortable and easy with him. He even has a nickname for me that no one else uses and every time he says it I feel all warm inside. He told me things that he hasn't shared with anyone else and he asked my opinion. That's what I want - someone who shares things, who asks for my opinion and listens to what I have to say. It doesn't matter if he agrees with me or not as long as he respects my viewpoint. Yes, Phil has his drawbacks and character flaws - don't we all? But if I could build me the perfect man, I'd use Phil as my model. Maybe then I'd finally get to see him naked. Can you believe it? I am totally in love with this man and we have never been intimate with each other. I've never kissed him or even held his hand.

He asked me about John today - tried to make a light-hearted comment about "oh, don't worry about the snow, I'm sure John will help you with the shoveling since the boy next door is out of town" and I reminded him that, no, John will not be around to help because I sent him packing, remember?

"You really haven't seen him?"


"That's good. I mean it's probably the best thing - for you but most of all for John."

True, but chances are John doesn't see it that way. So, tonight it's just me. No John. No boy next door. Just me and an as yet-to-be-determined pile of snow. Maybe if I wear myself out shoveling I'll be able to pass out and I won't feel the aching loneliness inside.

The Morning Line

BP: 140/105

Monday, March 15, 2004

"You Are Fired You Minute Hoarding Clock Watcher"

Uttered by Donald Trump in new cellular phone commercial. Didn't catch which company - doesn't matter. The Donald is back.

Vaguely Unsatisfied

That's how lunch left me, and this Atkins chocolate peanut butter bar doesn't seem to be filling the void either. Grumble.

Winter Weenies

Okay, so I'm not happy about the weather prediction either. Up to six inches of snow starting tomorrow afternoon/evening. So why are my darling co-workers ALREADY contemplating not coming in on Wednesday? It's six inches (okay, maybe up to ten inches according to the one about to be married) but it's only snow. Hello - we've been dealing with this stuff for the last four freakin' months. You can't have put the shovel away yet. Suck it up and shovel yourself out.

I'm tired of winter too, but I'll deal with it - WHEN IT COMES. I suppose they are all going to hit the grocery store and stock up on supplies too ...

The Morning Line

BP: 145/105

Sunday, March 14, 2004

View From My Window

Took this photo a few weeks back when I was in New York City:

Now that I've downloaded it from my digital camera, I thought I'd share. Next step - figuring out how to resize the damn thing.

3/15/04 UPDATE: This huge file is jamming up my browser at work, so I'm sure some of you are experiencing download delays as well. I've removed the actual .jpg for now until I can figure out how to create a thumbnail.

No News

The Sunday paper never showed up today. I have no idea what's going on in the world. Worse yet, this means I don't have the coming week's television programming guide.

I'm trying to write up an interview I did last Wednesday, and it's just not coming out. Just poured myself a glass of wine and that's not helping either. Maybe if I opened a bottle of the Facoun Bleu I bought yesterday. Boss Man gave everyone a bottle of it for Christmas, and I mentioned it when I was in the wine store yesterday. My timing was impeccable. The salesman said he was looking get rid of the last few cases he had to make room for new stock. Normally $8.99/bottle, he sold a case to me for $6/bottle. Not bad. So now I have a whole case of this chardonnay. Time to have a party!

I'm still thinking about having a party. Go through my list of favorites and invite all the guys who appeal to me. If they show up, great. If not, their loss. And of course I'd have my best girl friends there to help me work the crowd - Susan, Mary, Vicki, Cindy and Michelle. Then again, maybe I'll just invite the girl friends over. I keep going back and forth about this whole relationship thing.

If I'm honest with myself, I'm not really looking for one. Would it be nice to have someone special in my life? Someone who was interested in what I was doing, how I was feeling? Someone who would rub my feet and run his fingers through my hair? Sure, that would be nice. But the things that are really important to me, the things I was missing in my marriage and in my most recent relationship, I get those things from my girlfriends.

Like yesterday, when Susan and I went out to dinner. I'm still recovering from the divorce, you don't get over it quickly even if you were the one who initiated the break-up. I was telling her that the Ex hasn't even read the e-card I sent him for his birthday yet and she asked (as I knew she would) "Does it matter? Do you care?" And the answer is no. But only a really good true friend will do that for you - ask you the hard questions.

Working Up An Appetite

Went to the gym this morning and had breakfast when I came home. So why do I feel hungry only an hour later? I had two eggs scrambled with onions and cheese. I'm trying to not go back into the kitchen and eat again, but why? Why not just fix yourself some toast and the local supermarket's generic brand of GFIC? Chances are you are only going to have two meals today anyway. Why not? Why not indeed.

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Friday, March 12, 2004

Being A Couch Potato

I think I'm just going to sit here on the couch and veg out for the rest of the night. It's cold, I'm tired -- and there's no place I'd rather be. So kick off your shoes and relax because who knows how long we'll be here.

.... So I'm watching an early episode (# 7, I've discovered) of "Melrose Place." I must have missed the first season or something because I don't remember the Sandy and Rhonda characters played by Amy Locane and Vanessa Williams (the actress, not the singer - the Vanessa Williams you're thinking of (former dethroned Miss America) is Vanessa L. Williams) at all.

.... So I got a Christmas card from my cousin Lew today. He and his wife had their first child just before Christmas and things have been hectic for the last three months. I gotta tell you, as much as I love email, there's nothing like checking your mailbox and finding a personal note or card.

.... So have you seen the new Pier One ads starring Queer Eye for the Straight Guy Thom Filicia? Thank God they finally dumped Kirstie Alley. She was just bad. And fat. But here's the thing ... I wonder if Thom is really gay. I think he's just masquarading as a queer, don't you? I can see the scandal now.

.... So my nose is cold; does that mean I'm healthy? Or does that only apply to dogs? My condolences, by the way, to Frilly Panties who apparently is dog sitting and not enjoying it. Can't say that I blame her; not much of a dog lover myself.

.... So I'm still hungry even though I pigged out on pasta. I probably should get up off the couch and go watch last night's episode of "Will and Grace" while walking on the treadmill. Or not. Yeah, that's not going to happen. I'll be lucky if I empty the dishwasher and put away my clean clothes before going to bed tonight. And I'm okay with that. Well, maybe I'll pay my bills online too. I haven't balanced my checkbook in like, years, but I don't need to because I can access my checking account online any time. I have a fairly large cushion in the account and as long as I can see that there aren't any unauthorized charges, what does it matter if I have any outstanding checks or if I add in the piddly little bit of interest they pay me? Luckily, unlike the petite overweight young woman in my office, I'm not living paycheck to paycheck. And don't think I'm being mean or nasty to her, because I do remember what it was like starting out, and I do remember money being tight. I just happen to think I handled it better than she does.

.... So I finally downloaded and installed the Google toolbar and what do you know? They have a built-in pop-up blocker. How do you like that?

Shout Out to Paul Hastings

Not sure who you are or why you're here, but you're welcome to drop by any time.

Wasting Time

It's so damn easy to do. Just keep switching back and forth between the open programs on your computer. Reorganize the pile on your desk - not actually doing anything with it, mind you, just reorganizing it.

Sometimes I start the day by saying "if I just get this one thing done today, I will feel like I accomplished something." And often I do. But then there are 16 other things that I didn't get to, or items that I forgot about or new expectations and then it all just seems to be for naught.

Do you think that I can be affected by other people's moods via the internet? Because now that I think of it, there is a general feeling of malaise among my cyber buddies out there today. We're bloated, lonely, uneasy and unproductive. Having trouble finding a good reason to drag our asses out of bed in the morning - even though it is Friday, and the weekend is coming up. But what of that? What will we do this weekend? How will we feel come Sunday night? Refreshed and ready for the work week? Or depressed and dreading the next five days?

I gotta stop - I'm bringing myself down.


The forecast was calling for colder temperatures and snow today, but when I woke up the sun was shining and there wasn't a hint a snow anywhere. Imagine my surprise when all of a sudden the skies were dark and there was a virtual white-out outside my window. I was wearing just a wind breaker and lightweight clothes last night. When I stepped outside this morning there was an arctic blast blowing through me. I should have grabbed an extra sweater and/or scarf. My forehead still hasn't thawed. When will I be warm again?

The Morning Line

BP: 153/110

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Blurb Overheard

There's a young woman in my office (for whom I must accept some responsibility since I hired her two years ago) who just made the following remark:

"See, you've just got to understand that I'm always thinking and sometimes my mind gets ahead of itself."

I had all I could do not to guffaw out loud. Honey, your brain is never ahead of itself. You had a good basic sense of what we do in this office which is unusual for someone as young as you are, and you had a lot of energy and enthusiasm which is why I hired you (even though my boss, to whom you just made this comment, really didn't want me to) but you haven't lived up to your promise.

You get flustered and you lack attention to detail. You talk too loudly and you have a heavier step than the 300 pound beast in the corner office. When the big boss asked if you had enough professional clothes to accompany him on a business trip, he was trying to tell you that what you think is hip and cool is not considered professional. We know that you have a hard time buying clothes because you are petite and overweight, so go for classic not contemporary.

I know it's hard when you are just starting out, but we really don't want to hear about how you are living paycheck to paycheck. If you would just slow down and listen every now and then, you just might hear what we are saying - as well as what we are trying to say with our silence and between the lines.


I tried to resist and I was successful for nearly two years, but now I've been sucked in. I've started getting into the italian charm bracelet thing. Bought one when visiting my friend Sandie in Arizona two years ago and didn't really do much with it. Bought a few more charms when I visited again over the holidays and then it happened.

I found charms on E*Bay.

In January I did a little shopping and got a new starter bracelet which I gave to my friend Mary for her birthday along with two links - a little red purse and a red shoe. Mary is a bit of a shoe hound (she owns more CFMPs than I do - but she's about 8" shorter so she can handle the heels, I can't) and she gave me the cutest little red leather jewelry case shaped like a red purse for Christmas, so the red purse charm was perfect.

Just received my latest haul - nine new links including some nautical themed pieces (fish, dolphin, starfish) my birthstone (fake, of course), a red heart and a clunkyish red shoe. Got a pair of wedding bells which I will give to my future sister-in-law as soon as I can snag a new starter bracelet to link it too. Just placed a few bids including one on a red hot chili pepper for Sandie. She'll love it.

The Dirtiest Thing In My Desk

It would have to be the paper clips. I put them in my mouth without even thinking and you just know that there's a pretty good chance that paper clip came from a stack of papers that had been sent to me by someone else and that they are in the 'paper clip in the mouth' habit too. Ick.

The Morning Line

BP: 150/110

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

What ?!?

Just out of curiosity, I opened this email (er, spam) from Billr with the subject: my testomional - super viarga

Sergio Hoffmann, 25 y.o. psychotherapist, Germany:
I think i'm younkger than main target group of Cialdis consumers, but i
have a very hard work, i always had to listen about people's failures, about bad life et cetera.
All that problems affected my selxual activity, my wife was not as happy as before with me.
I tried Viagras - both genedric and Pfdizer's, but they does not act as good and as long as i want it to be.
Finally, my colleague told me about Cialdis and i ordered it. The results were really better, trust a doctor.
I'd recommend it to anybody with erectlion troubles.
P.S.: By the way, you can mix Cialis with alcohol without any harm!
Follow this link for more info:

basketball positives collector appraisal begins Cottrell reachable formalizes doorsteps.
diminish reproaches argot orienting comparably flair broilers Bertram cowing beagles Andover hunks.


Stupid News

Woman Tries To Pass Fake $1,000,000 Bill in Wal-Mart

The Morning Line

BP: 140/100

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Friends With Benefits


Yes, it's good to a certain extent. But when one of you starts falling in love, it's over. That's why I had to say goodbye to John. We'll see if Mike can step in and fill the void. If not, I can take care of myself.

Bugger Off

Just sent this message to B; hopefully it's direct and to the point without being harsh:

B - I honestly don't know when we can schedule another lunch. Here's why:

- I'm backed up with work-related stuff
- I'm scrambling on some quasi-related work stuff
- I've got a lunch meeting tomorrow
- I have a dinner meeting tomorrow and Thurs night (and some work related to that)
- I'm doing a day trip with my friend Susan over the weekend
- I've got out of town meetings on Tues and Weds of next week
- I'm hosting a committee meeting for dinner on the 23rd ... and then company wide conference ... and somewhere in between I'm supposed to be scheduling appointments for a NYC/Long Island trip at the end of the month.

And oh, yeah, I'm trying to stick to a regular exercise schedule.

It's not that I'm trying to avoid you, but I just have too many other things I'm trying to juggle right now. And since you asked me to be honest with you, I have to tell you that while I would enjoy going to lunch with you every now and then, I don't see it happening with the regularity with which I lunch with Phil. And I don't see it ever going beyond a simple friendship.

Hope it does the trick.


Hey, I'm checking with my financial advisor to see if she thinks it's worth buying Martha Stewart stock on the way down. I've got to think that it will bounce back, don't you? I'll let you know what I hear.

UPDATE: Well, the general word is ... you can if you want to, but it's not a really sound investment right now. Analysts say the actual value of the stock is somewhere around $7 so if it goes below that and you want to pick up some shares, fine, but don't expect it to be soaring anytime soon. Too many things that need to be worked out - and ultimately the company might be worth more in pieces anyway. Bottom line - I've only got about $1,000 in cash in my E*Trade account and by the time I pay trading fees, I might make a couple hundred bucks. Better to just give the cash to my financial advisor and let her invest it for me.

Is It Just Me...

...or is Blogger experiencing the hiccups today? Can't seem to hit some beloved pages.

Now I'm Just Annoyed

So I had lunch with B last week. Ostensibly so he could thank me for coming to his retirement dinner. In reality the old geezer just wanted to be seen with a pretty young thing. (Bear in mind, he has a daughter who is nearly my age.) He says he and his wife have pretty much decided to go their separate ways and she may even be moving out shortly. They've been staying together for the kids, but now that the youngest is finishing up her junior year in high school and B has retired, well, they just don't feel the need to carry on the pretense anymore.

So on Friday B emails me and wants to know when we can go to lunch again. I was so crazed on Friday that I didn't respond and I was out of the office yesterday. Today he sends me one of those chain emails (if you were a dessert, what kind of dessert would you be?) and I quickly scanned it. And then I notice - he put a damn return receipt on it so he would know that I received and read the message!

That just kinda pissed me off.

The Morning Line

BP: 135/105

Monday, March 08, 2004

It's A Small World

Some days I don't know which parallel universe I'm in. I'm living at least two lives and somehow they keep crossing over - or at least it feels like they do. Witness:

A) Friday was a blur because I was actually trying to get something done by a deadline while simultaneously emailing R, Susan, Phil, the Z-man and various others in an attempt to get together a group for what I referred to as a mini pub-crawl.

B) I was putting off answering a email because as it turns out, the guy I was corresponding with knows my boss.

On Saturday I finally responded to the email and simply said that I hadn't responded earlier because I was just too busy and that I had gone out with a few friends Friday night. So how is it that guy uses the exact same expression i.e. pub-crawl in his reply to me? I'm pretty sure I kept one separate from the other ...

And over the weekend I meet Mike whose marriage was ended by his wife accidentally sending email meant for her lover to him. Today, I check my stats and what do I see? Someone found my blog by entering this search in google:


Too freaky! I'm telling you, email is going to single handedly destroy what was left of the sanctity of marriage. Here's a site that explores those dangers:

Reminds me of a Yahoo! group I stumbled upon when I was in the midst of my marriage turmoil. "Regular People Having An Affair" It was a place where all of us adulterers would go and share our stories - the highs of the noontime trysts, the close calls, the duplicity, the lies, the agony and the ecstasy. Then, one day, it was gone. The group owner said her spouse was getting too close, maybe had stumbled on the group and she had to pull the plug. Poof! It was gone. I miss those regular people. I wonder how "Mountain Breeze" and "Coffee Breath" are doing.

The Morning Line

BP: 140/98

Yeah, I know, it's not morning anymore. Got up at 5:30 a.m. so I could be on the road by 6:30 a.m. and didn't have time to blog before I left.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Happy Birthday Ex

So tomorrow is the Ex's birthday. I haven't heard from him in months, and it was bothering me. I went back and forth about whether or not to send him a card. I haven't contacted him because he hasn't contacted me. Maybe he hasn't contacted me because I haven't contacted him?

I thought about writing a heart-felt letter. In the end, I just sent an e-card and asked him to call me to let me know he wasn't dead. I think I'm finally at the point where I don't care if he does or not.

That's Just Wrong

Vanity plate seen on the street this morning:


I'm sorry, but that's just wrong. If you really love the English language and you want a vanity plate that says EDITOR but it's already taken, just don't get a vanity plate!

The Morning Line

BP: 130/100

Saturday, March 06, 2004

Coming Out of The Fog

The last 24 hours have been such a blur. Things were really crazy at work - rush, rush from one thing to the next and then hurry up and go to get my hair cut before turning back around and throwing myself into rush hour traffic to get back home in time to meet up with R and his friend Mike for a night out on the town. Susan came along for the ride and we all enjoyed ourselves immensely.

I went to high school with R, and he went to college with Mike. We've all been through a breakup within the past few years, and so we just got together and shared our sob stories. Mike was the big winner (loser) - marriage number two breaking up after he discovered she was having an affair. Apparently she accidentally sent a message meant for her lover to him by accident. Technology sucks. Hey - informal poll, how many of you found out about your lover's affair via email?

R has had an on again off again relationship and somehow they convinced themselves that if they bought a house out in the middle of nowhere and moved in together (again) things would be different. Not. We all saw that train wreck coming down the tracks, but even if we had said something, we couldn't have stopped it. Sometimes you just have to learn by doing. Life sucks that way.

Susan - two divorces and a recent break-up similar to mine - great physical relationship, but he wasn't the one for her. She's now sworn off men forever, so it was up to me to stroke Mike's ego (among other things). What can I say - I'm a giver.

Friday, March 05, 2004

cheap haircut = false economy

This is the Z-man's response to my suggestion that he could save a few $ by cutting his own hair as our mutual friend Phil did -- with the dog clippers.

"When I lived in an old farmhouse in VT and kept chickens and cut my own wood and had a beard and wore flannel shirts and workboots to the office, I cut my own hair. No more."

I knew there was a good reason I drive 30 miles to sit in Betty's chair every 6-8 weeks.

Ahead of My Time

I know, I know. My time zone is all screwed up. Can't seem to get it on EDT. But according to my template, I'm in St. Lucia, and I'm thinking that wouldn't be a bad place to be right now. If I had a weather pixie you would know that it is grey and rainy, somewhere in the mid 30s. Typical March weather, for sure, but wouldn't 72 degrees and sunny be so much nicer?

More on Krispy Kreme

Ripped word for word from an email message sent to me by my friend R:

In response to a recent taste-test done by the Albany Times-Union in which
Krispy Kreme soundly defeated Dunkin' Donuts (and others), we decided to
conduct our own government-funded donut taste test. Those of us who have
had KK in the past could not believe the results.

Our esteemed panel, consisting of two web application programmers, two web
mistresses, and two web content development specialists, judged the fried
cakes on several categories: appearance, aroma, size, taste, texture, and
oiliness. We tasted each company's plain, unglazed variety, thinking that
if you can't get that right, you shouldn't be in the doughnut business.

Without receiving advertising dollars from either company, and unswayed by
the sirens depicted on the KrispyKreme calendar recently making the rounds
on email, we are happy to report that in a no-holes-barred, Texas steel
thermos match, Dunkin' Donuts spanked Krispy Kreme extremely hard, in every
category. (We threw out the results for the oiliness, since only one
panelist did not rate them as equal, and we were all in disagreement as to
whether oiliness was a good thing or a bad thing.)

So, according to the Internet Services Office of the New York State
Department of Motor Vehicles, Dunkin' Donuts is the undisputed King of
mass-produced, chain-store doughnuts.

But Krispy Kreme has a better web site.

No Morning Line

I was so sleepy and groggy I couldn't focus enough to get a reading.

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Slim "Ice" Kenna

That's one of the possibilities offered to me by the Starsky & Hutch Pimp Name Generator. This is part of the internet marketing blitz for the movie. And we wonder why we have trash-talking skimpy dressing teenagers roaming the streets.

The Morning Line

BP: 140/100

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

High School Sweethearts

I went to my (gulp!) 20th high school reunion last summer. I was feeling a little down on myself for being divorced, but I also thought "hey, maybe I'll meet up with an old flame and the embers will still be burning." No such luck - at least, not for me. Turns out at least one couple did meet up and establish a new connection. Bill and Chris have been pursuing a long distance romance ever since. And now Chris is moving in with Bill.

Isn't that sweet? I hope things work out for them.

Krispy Kreme Donuts

They just opened the first store in our area and one of my colleagues brought in two dozen. Damn those things go down easy!

The Morning Line

BP: 135/100

Tuesday, March 02, 2004


So I take yoga once a week. Funny - notice how I say "take" yoga but if I were taking aerobics I would say that I "go" to aerobics. I guess it makes sense because in a way, yoga is something you take in.

I started taking yoga six or seven years ago. I was trying to find a way to control migraine headaches, and I was willing to try anything! I was lucky - I clicked with the instructor of the first class I took and I've been with Mana ever since. It's probably true of any skill -- if you don't enjoy the teacher/coach, you probably won't enjoy the lessons. The way I've been taught yoga is this - our hour and a half class (there is no WAY I would last an hour and a half in an aerobics class!) consists of three parts - breathing, stretching and relaxation. It really is exercise for the masses if you can put aside any pre-conceived notions and enter into it with an open mind.

One of the best things about yoga, for me, is that it's not a competition. You do what you can do, there's no need to push yourself. You only do what feels right to you. Some nights, I just kind of check out after the first hour and go right to relaxation. I just lie on the floor, close my eyes and drift off. Some nights I can do the balancing poses, some nights I can't. I almost never do the kibalabati (sp?) breathing. Doesn't do anything for me. And that's okay. Yoga is about acceptance. You accept yourself and there is no judging. You just are.

And even though I know I couldn't carry a tune if my life depended on it, when I'm doing yoga, I can chant. My voice takes on tones that normally don't exist when I'm joining in with my classmates. I love to "ohm" My class consists of women with an occasional male guest. It's not that men aren't welcome, it's just that few men are man enough to try yoga. It's nice when we have one in our midst; it adds to the harmony. But usually it's just us chicks, and that's okay too. Everyone is open and accepting, and if you have a trouble or concern, you can share it and they will share their strength with you. At one of my low points after my separation, Mana had everyone gather around me and touch me. They just placed their hands on me wherever they happened to be - my head, my arm, my hip, my feet - and touched me. I know this is going to sound new agey and weird, but I could feel their energy. They gave me their strength. That was powerful.

So that's my yoga story; hope you enjoyed it.

Is Dating Dated on College Campuses?

Yes. It was dated 17 years ago when I graduated from college. As a single woman in my late 30s, I would say that I would much prefer to hang out with a group of friends than try to go one on one with a date. As for hooking up, well, that's basically what I was doing with John and it's not all it's cracked up to be. Good for a while and then bad once one person develops stronger feelings than the other.

See the article that inspired this post.

Cleaning Out the Clutter In My Life

I've slowly but surely been picking things up around the house. I have all the indoor Christmas decorations put away, and other than the desk and chair, things are clean in the spare bedroom (it will be ready for you by the 16th, Michelle, I promise). And now I'm doing a little cleaning here at work. Witness what I am throwing in the garbage:

* the cute little Suzy's zoo cards from Current with messages like "Go For it!" "You Did it! (I knew you could!)" "Just Wanted to say "HI!" They aren't greeting cards, they are just little inspirational cards you can enclose inside a greeting card. I'm not a manager anymore, I don't supervise anyone. They are history. (Unless you want them Jenica? - see, it's harder than you can imagine to just throw these things away!)

* that stupid little "page up" thing that the big boss gave everyone for Christmas. He ordered one box of 12 (babies - he didn't even get the standard size!) and then went around and allowed each of us to pick our favorite color. Whoopee. At least my immediate supervisor had a bit more class - he ordered a case of his new favorite wine and gave us each a full bottle.

* yesterday's tea bag.

* extra copies of a Feb 1 news release

* more to come.

I'll always love ya !

That's the subject of the message John sent me last night. Basically, he's lost and lonely without me and he thinks that somehow he held back and promises things will be different if we can just start over. I don't think so. It wasn't anything he said or did or didn't say or do. It's just that he's not the one for me. He thinks I'm the one for him, but I just don't feel the same way. He wants to have lunch, dinner or a movie - anything. I don't think I can. I know he won't see it, but if I continue to see him I'm just dragging things out and in the end it will hurt even more.

I care about him, I really do, but I'm not in love with him.

The Morning Line

BP: 130/98

Monday, March 01, 2004

Finishing Each Other's Sentences

That's what Phil and I were doing at lunch today. I love being so in tune with someone that I can do that. And I love having lunch with him one on one. Sometimes he invites me to lunch and when we meet up in the parking lot he'll have another colleague with him. I enjoy those lunches too, but not as much as when I have Phil all to myself.

Time to change and head off to my yoga class. Kitzi asked me to talk more about that sometime; perhaps I will later tonight.

The Morning Line

BP: 140/100